This is from TheOnion.com
WEST MONROE, LA—Doug Laney, the 5-foot-9-inch senior out of West Monroe High School who has garnered much hype and interest from professional teams throughout the season, announced Sunday that he will become the sixth equipment manager in history to forgo college and become an equipment manager in the NBA. "It's a big step, and I know a lot of people are going to say that I'm too young and I'm not ready, but that just means I'll have to work extra hard and make sure all the balls have enough air every night," said Laney, who became the youngest-ever equipment manager to be featured on the cover of Equipment Manager Illustrated magazine in July 2009. "I'm excited. Guys like Paul Ackerston and P.J. Schultz have paved the way for high school equipment managers by making instant impacts on the way professional teams' equipment is managed." Laney is currently serving a three-game suspension for accepting vintage water bottles from a local sporting goods store that were valued at $23.