|09-06-2011, 07:18 PM||#52|
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?' The blonde said it was hers .'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.
The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.' The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'
'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'
The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'
The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead.I always wanted a police dog.'
|09-08-2011, 11:35 AM||#53|
The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do.
Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
Yellow Bird , who was Bluebird’s cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
OH, come on... take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
You can't kill Two Birds
|09-24-2011, 06:36 AM||#54|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Viewer discretion is advised..."
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE Black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch ****, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says: "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch ****, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around"
You kids get off my lawn!
|09-24-2011, 08:06 AM||#55|
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam.............................. We're stoning her in the morning!
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo, child molester
and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, the lot.."
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Texas? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said ................ "Nocomprende."
On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?" Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non English-speaking people" isn't the right answer. They've sent my form back!
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
Last edited by foreverfan; 09-24-2011 at 08:13 AM..