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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, ...

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Old 02-06-2015, 08:55 PM   #1121
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Re: Joke of the Day

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know shyt?”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 02-17-2015, 09:14 AM   #1122
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Re: Joke of the Day

A Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!"

"Sorry, I have none, just ties – pure silk, and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you! But I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie!"
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Old 02-17-2015, 04:15 PM   #1123
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Re: Joke of the Day

Bringing a Drunk Home - No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get.
A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be
good Samaritans and take him home.
First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can
find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each
time with a real thud. After they get to his house,
he falls down another four times getting him to the door.
His wife comes to the door, and one guy says,
"We brought your husband home."
The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?

"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"
—Art Hoppe
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Old 03-02-2015, 01:51 AM   #1124
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Re: Joke of the Day

My wife and I decided not to have kids.
The kids are taking it pretty hard...
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Old 03-09-2015, 03:04 AM   #1125
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Re: Joke of the Day

My wife and I decided not to have kids.
The kids are taking it pretty hard...
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Old 03-14-2015, 11:26 AM   #1126
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Re: Joke of the Day

Roger left for work on Friday morning.

Friday the 13th was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spent his entire paycheck.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, Martha stopped nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 03-15-2015, 07:18 PM   #1127
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Re: Joke of the Day

Then this Muslim guy started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

I was interested so I asked him, “Can you burn me a copy?”

And that’s when the trouble started!
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:49 AM   #1128
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Re: Joke of the Day

Today a feminist asked me how i view lesbian relationships.

Apparently 'in HD' wasn't the right answer...
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:54 AM   #1129
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Re: Joke of the Day

We were so poor when I was growing up, one Christmas I got a battery with a note on it saying, "toys not included"
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Old 04-24-2015, 09:56 PM   #1130
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Re: Joke of the Day

Originally Posted by Crusader View Post
We were so poor when I was growing up, one Christmas I got a battery with a note on it saying, "toys not included"


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