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Joke of the Day

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Old 12-16-2016, 11:30 AM   #1261
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Re: Joke of the Day

"Sad but True".
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Old 12-25-2016, 08:25 AM   #1262
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Re: Joke of the Day

John went to visit his 90-year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car."

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!"
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"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 01-05-2017, 12:07 AM   #1263
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Re: Joke of the Day

A man was visiting his comatose wife at the hospital. It had been months, and distraught that she hadn't gotten any better, he asked the Dr if there was any hope for a recovery.

"Well" said the Dr, "there's one more thing you can try. There have been some cases in the past where oral sex has brought patients out of a coma. If you want to try that, I'll arrange for some privacy and check back this afternoon."

"Yes!" said the husband. "I'll try anything at this point".

The Dr left the room and the husband proceeded to take the Dr's advice. Moments later, the husband came bursting out of the room, yelling "Dr! Dr!"

Excited, the Dr asked "What happened? What happened? Did it work?"

The man said "Well, I don't know if it worked. But she gagged, and that's whole lot more than she's done since she's been here!"

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Old 01-05-2017, 10:21 AM   #1264
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Re: Joke of the Day

Woo hoo! Crusader's on a roll! Complete with awesome signature and everything!
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Old 01-05-2017, 01:57 PM   #1265
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Re: Joke of the Day

Cougar sleeping
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Old 01-06-2017, 01:10 PM   #1266
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

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Old 01-16-2017, 04:37 AM   #1267
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Re: Joke of the Day

If I had a band, I would call it Wagon. That way all our fans would be band wagon fans...




Ba dum tssss.
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Old 01-25-2017, 03:07 PM   #1268
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Re: Joke of the Day

Women...
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Old 02-25-2017, 10:42 PM   #1269
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Re: Joke of the Day

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.
"Come on, tell me - when was I born"?
I said, “Yesterday."

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Old 02-27-2017, 04:58 PM   #1270
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Re: Joke of the Day

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money." The lawyer says, "How DARE you call me materialistic." The cop replies, "Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing." The lawyer screams, "F**K! My Rolex!"

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