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Proper ATM use....in Chicago

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A history lesson...

Re: Joke of the Day
 

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What’s the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire.

Here’s her story in her own words:

"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.

She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" "Just one quick shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection, plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible. His life insurance was a big bonus too!!

Re: Joke of the Day
 

VERY, VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A young man goes to confession and tells the priest that he masturbates frequently. The priest tells him that sexual processes are sacred and that he should save that for once he is married.

Several years later the same young man comes back to the priest and says that he is soon to be married. The groom-to-be adds “Father, I appreciate the advice you gave me about sex years ago. I’ve found a wonderful woman and we are waiting until the wedding to have sex. My only problem is that I now have a five gallon bucket full of the sacred effluent you told me to save for marriage. What am I to do with it now?”

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My wife and I were awakened by a loud banging on our door at 3 a.m. in the morning. I answer the door and a man standing in the pouring rain asked me if I can give him a push. I said "Are you crazy? It's 3 a.m. and it's pouring down rain! Absolutely not!"
And I slammed the door and went back to bed.

My wife asked "Who was it?"
"Some guy wanting a push"
"Well did you help him?"
"Of course not. It's 3 a.m."
"Well how soon we forget! Remember a couple of weeks ago when we were driving in the middle of the night and our car broke down. You knocked on someone's door and asked for help. They came out and helped us. You should be ashamed of yourself. Now go on out there and help that man."

"Angrily I went back out into the darkness and yelled out, "Hey are you still there?"
"Yes"
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please"
"Ok - where are you?"
"Over here... on the swing."

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G891A using Tapatalk

Re: Joke of the Day
 

One for the physicists in the crowd....

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Four guys are hanging out. One of them says " Do you know that 1 out of 4 guys are gay?"
Larry says "I hope it's Chuck. He's really cute."

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Lettuce and Carrot racing and carrot falls behind. The lettuce turns and calls back, "sorry pal. It's not my fault I'm a head."

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:lol: