Wilde18

McDonald's thinks people ar stupid

Crusader

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house." the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off."
The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

WhoDat!656

A Saints fan, a Broncos fan, and a Falcons fan are crossing the desert.

The Saints fan asks the Broncos fan why he is carrying a few pebbles with him.

"So I can suck on them to keep my mouth moist.", he replied.

Then the Broncos fan said to the Saints fan, "Why are you carrying that leather bag?"

"Because it has mineral water in it to help rehydrate and give me the right trace elements to survive the desert.", the Saints fan replied.

Then they both looked at the Falcons fan. "Why are you carrying a car door?", the Saints fan asked.

The Falcons fan replied, "So I can roll down the window when I get hot!"

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

Crusader

I like my women like my coffe...
Ground up and in the freezer.




Ok, this one might be a Little much for sensitive people. Just remember, it is still only a joke.

Crusader

"Give it to me" she yelled. "I'm so f*cking wet, give it to me now".

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

TheOak

TheOak

WhoDat!656

And in that vein!!

WhoDat!656

I raise you!!

Crusader

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size." The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.