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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; Jokes about women Q: Why did God create Adam first? A: So he'd have a chance to talk before Eve came along. Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A: He died laughing before he ...

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Old 08-01-2013, 01:03 PM   #721
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Re: Joke of the Day

Jokes about women

Q: Why did God create Adam first?
A: So he'd have a chance to talk before Eve came along.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: It fits right over her mouth.
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Old 08-01-2013, 01:05 PM   #722
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Re: Joke of the Day

Two Redneck hunters got a pilot to fly them deep into the Alaskan wilderness to hunt moose. They were quite successful in their venture, and bagged four huge bull moose.

The pilot returns, as arranged, to pick them up.

They started loading their gear into the plane, including the four moose.

But the pilot objected. He said, "The plane can take out only two of your moose. You will have to leave two behind."

One of the hunters pushed forward, "Hey, last year our pilot let us take out four moose. It was the same model plane, same weather conditions, and everything. What's with this? We want you to allow us to fly out just like last year."

Reluctantly the pilot finally permitted them to put all four moose aboard and the men all climbed in with their gear.

But when they attempted to take off and fly out of the valley, the little plane could not make it. They crashed in the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one Redneck said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other Redneck. "Yep! I think this is about 100 yards further along than where we crashed last year!"

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 08-06-2013, 01:19 AM   #723
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Re: Joke of the Day

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there
for many years when he came home one day to confess to
his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to
stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he
should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he was
too embarrassed and he vowed to overcome the compulsion
on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could
see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong,
she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My
God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what
happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.'
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You kids get off my lawn!
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Old 08-06-2013, 02:25 PM   #724
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Re: Joke of the Day

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says, "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks, "And her ... what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
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Old 08-07-2013, 07:43 AM   #725
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Re: Joke of the Day

I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw in the show last nigh.
He hypnotized 7 guys.
Then he dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME!
What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life...
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Old 08-07-2013, 09:04 PM   #726
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Re: Joke of the Day

Originally Posted by Crusader View Post
I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw in the show last nigh.
He hypnotized 7 guys.
Then he dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME!
What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life...
So the 7 guys went after you?
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Old 08-08-2013, 10:03 PM   #727
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Re: Joke of the Day

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Old 08-10-2013, 02:44 PM   #728
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Re: Joke of the Day

The Bartender says, 'We don't serve your kind in here.'

A Tachyon walks into a bar.
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Old 08-11-2013, 11:33 AM   #729
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Re: Joke of the Day

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when ½ of all Americans don't have health insurance?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, Question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

"Johnnie" he responds.

"And what is your question, Johnnie?"

"Actually Sir, I have 6 questions:
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And Sixth, what happened to Stanley ?"

You kids get off my lawn!
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Old 08-11-2013, 11:48 AM   #730
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Re: Joke of the Day

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."

So being the fantastic husband I am... I got her "nothing"
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