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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon. He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist. “Could you taste ...

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Old 12-21-2013, 07:42 PM   #851
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Re: Joke of the Day

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist.

“Could you taste this for me, please?”

The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Paddy.

“No, not at all,” says the phramacist.

“Oh that’s a relief,” says Paddy. “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
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Old 12-21-2013, 08:26 PM   #852
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Re: Joke of the Day

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked the chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
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Old 12-22-2013, 10:39 AM   #853
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Re: Joke of the Day

Dodge City was a rough town. Nevertheless, it had an excellent theatre group. One time it planned to perform the Swan Lake Ballet.

On the day of dress rehearsal, it was discovered that moths had gotten into the tutus. Everything was ruined.

The producer placed a call to the Acme Costume Company in Wichita and learned they had plenty of tutus. The proprietor promised to ship the much needed garments over on a special train. They should arrive in plenty of time for the opening.

Back at Dodge, everyone was in a big hurry. Someone needed to go down to the depot and fetch the tutus.

Butch, the biggest, toughest guy in town offered to do it. So he went to the station and sat down.

When the station master saw Butch, he went over and asked if he might be of help.

Butch replied, “Thanks, but I’m just waiting for the tutu train.”

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Old 12-23-2013, 11:38 AM   #854
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Re: Joke of the Day

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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Old 12-23-2013, 11:48 AM   #855
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Re: Joke of the Day

Plumber's Crack Camouflage T-Shirt

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Old 12-23-2013, 04:31 PM   #856
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Re: Joke of the Day

Two poor, not too bright farmers had problems with rats in their barns. The decided to go see rich farmer Johnson since he never had problems with rats.

Farmer Johnson told the two that he had bought a snake and the snake kept the barn free of rats.

The two farmers thought this was a great plan and because they were poor they decided to go in together to buy the snake. When they got the snake, they couldn’t decide how to share it, and not being too bright, they decided to cut the snake in two. Each took his part of the snake back to his barn, where obviously they each continued to have rats.

Anybody could tell you this was doomed to failure, because … it was a half-asp plan.

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Old 12-23-2013, 07:07 PM   #857
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Re: Joke of the Day

Who-Dat... you're tryin to hard.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:58 PM   #858
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Re: Joke of the Day

Proof of a cat preventing a house fire
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Old 12-24-2013, 05:00 PM   #859
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Re: Joke of the Day

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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Old 01-01-2014, 04:49 AM   #860
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Re: Joke of the Day

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, The Princess.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what:

Metal,

Wood,

Stone,

Anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, ''If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth...

Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too went away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?




M & M 's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were you thinking??

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