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SmashMouth 02-23-2013 09:44 AM

Sonic Squatter
Robert Swift is refusing to abandon his bullet-ridden, beer can-strewn foreclosed house

Robert Swift’s short NBA career, sadly, produced more bad punchlines than it did productive seasons. The heavily-tattooed big man was drafted directly out of high school in 2004 and was a favorite amongst several well-respected NBA GMs, but his game never found a groove and he last played in the NBA back in 2009. After a stint in the NBA’s minor league and a jaunt playing professionally in Tokyo, Swift apparently has settled back in the Pacific Northwest, living in the same house he bought as a member of the Seattle SuperSonics.
His house was recently foreclosed upon, though, and the new owner would like Swift to abandon the property. Swift, according to the television station KOMO (via Deadspin) isn’t going anywhere. And the rubble surrounding Swift’s current squalor isn’t something you’d expect from someone that turned 27 two months ago.

Watch the video here

Seriously – a “Danger Men Drinking” sign on a front door of an actual house? College sophomores would be embarrassed to see that in a dorm room.
As the video shows, Swift’s abode is filled with empties, including Four Loko cans – a product that hasn’t been on the market since late 2010, and can only be purchased on the bro black market. And, as if this was some amazing satire and/or performance art, Swift has a Chevy El Camino with (Bakersfield) California plates from 2010 resting in the driveway without the hood affixed. To say little about his tribal-tat outfitted monster truck parked right behind it.
And the “When In Doubt, Empty the Magazine” bumper sticker affixed just above the warning sign about men drinking just about says it all. Here’s hoping whoever is living inside this residence isn’t mixing one bumper sticker with the other.

We disagree with KOMO’s assertion that Swift made “a reported $20 million playing hoops.” Robert worked through the duration of his rookie contract and signed for one year with the Oklahoma City Thunder once that franchise left Seattle in 2008. Basketball-Reference has his overall earnings at just under $11.5 million. Hardly a pittance, and certainly something to buy a house with, but half of what KOMO tossed out.
Still, there’s a bullet hole in one of the windows that isn’t boarded up. There’s a grace period that has expired. There are stupid placards and bumper stickers usually purchased by boys a decade younger than Robert Swift on the front door. Beer cans everywhere, and a career that should be entering its athletic prime gone terribly wrong.
Bummers all around, Robert Swift. Hopefully when you wake up, some of this can turn in the right direction.

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Crusader 02-23-2013 01:39 PM

Re: Sonic Squatter
What an idiot. I think that pretty much sums it up.

stickman 02-23-2013 07:00 PM

Re: Sonic Squatter
What does that say about the girlfriend that she is still with this loser? I mean, good for him that she is loyal, but, in a few days, him and their stuff will be on the street. Literally.

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