The Gospel According to St. Titleist
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18
years of dealing with him across a desk.
2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf
players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
3 It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when
one is playing golf.
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of
golf would be played far better than it is.
Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more
complicated than that.
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf
club, they'd starve to death.
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of
you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally
responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up
12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag
stick on top.
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at
either of them.
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit
it straight, it's a miracle.
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve
And Finally. .*
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of
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