Flamin' Rant: Madden 2007
I had some extra time this weekend, and in spite of my better judgement and previous experience, I decided to take a chance and rent Madden 2007 and try playing online.
I've played my fair share of football games before and gave myself a little bit of time to get the hang of the controls. I played against the computer, the game played realistic and wasn't too bad. But my real drive is to play the Saints online and compete against other like-minded NFL football fans out there who love their team.
Well I went online and I got f*cking spanked f*cking owned. Soundly. Compiled a 2-19 record and I was lucky to win the 2 games I won. What infuriates me is I probably got beat the worst by the players that knew the least about football and kept running their same unstoppable passes and blitzes over and over again. All the football knowledge in the world can't measure up to some kid/guy whose has an insane mastery of his controller with 19 different buttons and has clearly been playing too much Halo or UT and probably has some f*cking 62-inch plasma TV and modded controller. The online football gaming environment is getting worse every year. Yeah, I could probably beat these guys, but not without putting myself at risk for Carpell Tunnel (sp?). No f*cking thanks.
You know, Madden can be fun at times, and the features available have expanded over the years, but the damn game hasn't really changed since its inception. It's so sad. You've got all the NFL teams with carefully and fairly accurately compiled ratings. You've got an AI and graphics that have improved over the years. The run and pass blocking and DB coverage has improved phenomonally. They've also managed to reduce the glitches in the game that make certain plays undefendable. You've got hot routes, custom audibles, no huddle, formation changes, custom substitutions, all the tools you could possibly want to win a football game. But what do you end up with? A bunch of 49-35 games with 5 minute quarters and nary a punt by an expert player. The only way to stop an offense is to intercept the ball or blitz like hell on every play. Trying to get a defensive stop is like Muggsy Bogues trying to block a Tim Duncan fadeaway shot. You've got 10 CPU guys on a team playing to the ratings of their programmed abilities and reacting in a realistic manner. Then you've got one human-controlled player with the combined speed and atheltic ability of Reggie Bush, Deion Sanders, Randy Moss and yes, Michael Vick. And that fast player, combined with a user with the twich reflexes that hardcore XBox players have, this player can throw undefendable passes and make unstoppable catches and make perfect crunching tackles every time. Ladies and gentlemen, this isn't football. This is f*cking RoboCop f*cking with schoolkids on a f*cking playground.
This game, played online, is absolute trash. It is a disgrace to the sport of football. It is an absolute disgrace that EA or any company has a exclusive license to NFL for games. WTF I thought this was America, I should write the NFL and complain. Madden 2007 might be a disgrace to any athletic sport ever played. Yeah, it's fake football, and maybe that's what some people want. But I thought that was what NFL Blitz was for. I'd like an even mix of sports strategy and action put we'll never f*cking see that happen in a f*cking online game now. You know, I spent money on NFL Head Coach, knowing it would probably be a lemon but I least was holding out hope and willing to support EA since they were at least going to put out some sort of football strategy game. Well, NFL Head Coach blew big chunks and combine that with the popularity and sexy reputation of Madden 2007 and they have effectively rolled football strategy gaming under the bus. Madden 2007 online is mother f*cking gayer than f*ck. I feel ashamed spending $8 to rent the f*cking game. I'd rather masturbate with sandpaper than play this f*cking game again. Go f*ck your MaddenNation.
So, with all the furvor and anger of Denny Green, I say this to EA and all those cheese Madden f*cks - THEY'RE MAKING CRAPPY ONLINE FOOTBALL AND WE'RE LETTING THEM OFF THE HOOK!!! YOU WANT TO CROWN THEM (EA), THEN CROWN THEM!!! WE'RE LETTING THEM OFF THE F*CKING HOOK!!!
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