Srgt. Hulka

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the White House
Obama-Clause was scurrying to give his hand outs
With food stamps, checks, and Obama Care
Life in America now would be "fair"

The liberals were nestled all smug in their beds,
While visions of Obama-Phones danced in their heads.
They dreamed of free healthcare and taxing rich snobs
Receiving free checks without even having a job!

Where'd the money come from? Well Obama-Clause had a plan
He'd tax every business and each working man
His spending was rampant, so he raised the debt ceiling
And sent money to Egyptian terrorists in hopes they'd find it appealing

But when the "religion of peace" carried out their Kamikazes
The media scrambled to cover up Benghazi
And in his magic sleigh Obama-Clause reached foreign shores
To spread joy in the Middle East with an apology tour

But employers saw their profit was missing a portion
To pay for these hand-outs and some girl's 14th abortion
So the lay-offs began and the economy became mush
But the media assured us it was all 'cause of Bush!

And accepting that Obama surely had won
I sat on my couch with a loaded shotgun.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the Obama-Clause sleigh, the sum of my fears.

With a pompous little driver, so arrogant and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be that *****.
More rapid than sewer rats his worshipers they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and chanted his name!

"Now hope! now, change! now, let's move forward!"
The people cheered louder with each new buzzword
"To the top of the debt ceiling! to the bottom of the fiscal cliff!
16 trillions not bad, I'm aiming for 26!"

The people were in a frenzy, all yells and shouts
And they lined up impatiently to receive their hand outs
Away with their food stamps they flew like a flash
to stand outside the grocery and sell them for cash

But before I could blink, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each devil hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Obama-Clause came with a bound.

He was dressed in a turban and done up like the mummies
Holding a book, "Communism for Dummies"
Newly printed dollars he had flung on his back,
For the needy jobless addicted to crack

His eyes-how they shook me! his smile how scary!
Arrogant and sniveling, one giant dingle-berry!
His troll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the touch of his hand was as cold as the snow.

He snatched my shotgun, said “You won’t be needing this”
And he ripped down my crucifix and started taking a piss
And he turned and he winked, condescending and self-assured
“Didn’t you hear, I’m savior and Lord”

And out from behind me, so sneaky and stealth
Came the hoarse little laugh of a Joe Biden elf!
“Aren’t you supposed to be Catholic,” I said, how could this be happ'ning
I tried making my point but the jagoff kept laughing

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
And stole all my money, then turned with a jerk.
And when seeing my business card, they gave me a pat
Then smirking at me said ,"you didn't build that"

They sprang to the sleigh before Obama-Clause gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a Muslim peace missile
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Barry Christmas to all, looks like Ron Paul was right!"

That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, ...