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LKelley67 04-07-2005 11:48 AM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
HASLETT LEGACY ENDS, BROOKS ENTERS RECORD BOOK

January 4, New Orleans- Jim Haslett, the longest tenured coach in New Orleans Saints history was fired today by 83 year old owner Tom Benson. He stated, "We have been very happy with Jim but it has come time for a change. The 6 wins this year is unacceptable." Benson also announced that Assistant Defensive Backs Coach Rick Venturi would take over the Head Coach position for the 2013 season. Haslett who coached over New Orleans only two post season wins in history was philosophical. "It has been a good run. I just wish it could have gone on a little longer. I think we were just getting to a point to really turn the corner", he said. Haslett will be paid the remaining three years of his current contract at nine million dollars per year. Haslett finished with 108-108 lifetime regular season record as the Saints coach.

Longtime Saints quarterback Aaron Brooks went into the NFL record book in yesterday's 13-31 defeat by the Carolina Panthers. His two fumbles nudged him past Warren Moon who played for several teams in the 1990's for all time career fumbles. Brooks smiled and laughed for reporters when notified of his record 162 fumbles. "I'm da best that has ever been here, ya'll all know that. I don't see anyone pointing out that outta my 16 fumbles dis year 11 of dem we got back, and I got 8 of dem myself. That's pretty good to me." Though entrenched as the starting QB for many years some observers predict the Saints may draft a quarteback this year to groom as a replacement. QB Eli Hebert, son of former Saint Bobby Hebert, who graduates from Northwestern (La) this year and who is engaged to longtime GM Mickey Loomis' daughter, is thought to be a favorite.

Haslett History
2000 10-6 2nd wildcard, 31-28 StL, 16-34 Min
2001 7-9 3rd
2002 9-7 3rd
2003 8-8 2nd
2004 8-8 2nd
2005 9-7 2nd wildcard, 27-24 Sea, 3-28 Phil
2006 7-9 3rd
2007 7-9 3rd
2008 9-7 2nd
2009 7-9 3rd
2010 9-7 2nd wildcard, 14-27 Wash
2011 8-8 2nd
2012 6-10 4th

Brooks Fumble Record
2000 4
2001 13
2002 11
2003 14
2004 13
2005 10
2006 15
2007 14
2008 13
2009 12
2010 14
2011 13
2012 16


[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

ScottyRo 04-07-2005 11:52 AM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
Quote:

108-108 lifetime regular season record
:casstet:

GoldenTomb 04-07-2005 12:01 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
Now THIS is a post that definitely doesn\'t dwell on the past, but looks towards the future. Bravo LKelley! :D

LKelley67 04-07-2005 01:17 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'.

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

WhoDat 04-07-2005 02:38 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
When reached for comment, BMG\'s attorney, named only as WhoDat, said that this was a textbook case for the insanity defense. A Gallop poll in the New Orleans area confirmed that 97.3% of people surveyed who identified themselves as Saints fans believed that killing Rick Venturi was justified. However, a few select fans mourned the loss of Venturi. A small group was seen wearing bright yellow shirts with the word \"Sunshiner\" scrawled across the front was seen lighting candles and weeping in front of Brooks\' home. One such fan identified only as Billy said, \"It\'s a sad day in Saints history, but we still believe this team can be 13-3, with a top 10 defense. With the best QB in professional football, anything is possible, if onyl those other guys would stop holding him back.\"

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by WhoDat]

LordOfEntropy 04-07-2005 03:03 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
Developing story...

In a surpise turn to the infamous and highly publicized B&G Venturi Lynching trial, assailants FireVenturi and BMG may well be exonerated after the jury panel, comprised entirely of distressed Northwestern, Browns, and & Colts fans, visciously attacked prosecutors during cross examination.

Research shows that the victim, Rick Venturi, had previously coached at each of these institutions.

Chanting mantras of \"1 and 31 sucks!!!\" and \"we will never forget!!\", they surged en masse towards astonished district attorneys.

On a side note, self-proclaimed star prosecution witness Aaron Brooks attempted to stave off the unruly mob with a chair, but fumbled the object before making a significant difference.

Details at 8:00.


[Edited on 8/4/2005 by LordOfEntropy]

Danno 04-07-2005 03:23 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
2013 TP Headline:

Los Angeles Saints Win Superbowl.

ssmitty 04-07-2005 04:34 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
and, in a related story, a member of b&g who goes by the name of smitty, just made it into the guinness book of world records with the oldest living dog in the world...the dog, know only as \"the dog\" could also predict the outcome of the saint games......however, when asked by a reporter who would win the next saints game, \"the dog\" just took a dump. stay tuned for a tragic story as leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted..........

FireVenturi 04-07-2005 11:57 PM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
Quote:

January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'.

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]
U R da man LK
:yourock:

LordOfEntropy 04-08-2005 03:15 AM

2013 Times Picayune Headline News
 
Quote:

leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted..........
Only to be resurrected as the Saints middle linebacker by Saints GM Mickey Loomis. Said coach Jim Haslett, \"well, we thought that nerve pinch thing would help against the play option\".

When reached for comment, Aaron Brooks promptly fumbled the microphone before he could glorify his own status.

Meanwhile, Smitty\'s dog\'s rejected an incentive-laden contract that would\'ve made him the highest paid dog in NFL history. Instead, he took another dump, and wondered why perrennial pro-bowler Fred Smoot wasn\'t drafted all those years ago.


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