2013 Times Picayune Headline News

LKelley67 · 04-07-2005, 11:48 AM

HASLETT LEGACY ENDS, BROOKS ENTERS RECORD BOOK

January 4, New Orleans- Jim Haslett, the longest tenured coach in New Orleans Saints history was fired today by 83 year old owner Tom Benson. He stated, "We have been very happy with Jim but it has come time for a change. The 6 wins this year is unacceptable." Benson also announced that Assistant Defensive Backs Coach Rick Venturi would take over the Head Coach position for the 2013 season. Haslett who coached over New Orleans only two post season wins in history was philosophical. "It has been a good run. I just wish it could have gone on a little longer. I think we were just getting to a point to really turn the corner", he said. Haslett will be paid the remaining three years of his current contract at nine million dollars per year. Haslett finished with 108-108 lifetime regular season record as the Saints coach.

Longtime Saints quarterback Aaron Brooks went into the NFL record book in yesterday's 13-31 defeat by the Carolina Panthers. His two fumbles nudged him past Warren Moon who played for several teams in the 1990's for all time career fumbles. Brooks smiled and laughed for reporters when notified of his record 162 fumbles. "I'm da best that has ever been here, ya'll all know that. I don't see anyone pointing out that outta my 16 fumbles dis year 11 of dem we got back, and I got 8 of dem myself. That's pretty good to me." Though entrenched as the starting QB for many years some observers predict the Saints may draft a quarteback this year to groom as a replacement. QB Eli Hebert, son of former Saint Bobby Hebert, who graduates from Northwestern (La) this year and who is engaged to longtime GM Mickey Loomis' daughter, is thought to be a favorite.

Haslett History
2000 10-6 2nd wildcard, 31-28 StL, 16-34 Min
2001 7-9 3rd
2002 9-7 3rd
2003 8-8 2nd
2004 8-8 2nd
2005 9-7 2nd wildcard, 27-24 Sea, 3-28 Phil
2006 7-9 3rd
2007 7-9 3rd
2008 9-7 2nd
2009 7-9 3rd
2010 9-7 2nd wildcard, 14-27 Wash
2011 8-8 2nd
2012 6-10 4th

Brooks Fumble Record
2000 4
2001 13
2002 11
2003 14
2004 13
2005 10
2006 15
2007 14
2008 13
2009 12
2010 14
2011 13
2012 16

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

ScottyRo · 04-07-2005, 11:52 AM

108-108 lifetime regular season record

:casstet:

GoldenTomb · 04-07-2005, 12:01 PM

Now THIS is a post that definitely doesn\'t dwell on the past, but looks towards the future. Bravo LKelley!

LKelley67 · 04-07-2005, 01:17 PM

January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'.

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

WhoDat · 04-07-2005, 02:38 PM

When reached for comment, BMG\'s attorney, named only as WhoDat, said that this was a textbook case for the insanity defense. A Gallop poll in the New Orleans area confirmed that 97.3% of people surveyed who identified themselves as Saints fans believed that killing Rick Venturi was justified. However, a few select fans mourned the loss of Venturi. A small group was seen wearing bright yellow shirts with the word \"Sunshiner\" scrawled across the front was seen lighting candles and weeping in front of Brooks\' home. One such fan identified only as Billy said, \"It\'s a sad day in Saints history, but we still believe this team can be 13-3, with a top 10 defense. With the best QB in professional football, anything is possible, if onyl those other guys would stop holding him back.\"

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by WhoDat]

LordOfEntropy · 04-07-2005, 03:03 PM

Developing story...

In a surpise turn to the infamous and highly publicized B&G Venturi Lynching trial, assailants FireVenturi and BMG may well be exonerated after the jury panel, comprised entirely of distressed Northwestern, Browns, and & Colts fans, visciously attacked prosecutors during cross examination.

Research shows that the victim, Rick Venturi, had previously coached at each of these institutions.

Chanting mantras of \"1 and 31 sucks!!!\" and \"we will never forget!!\", they surged en masse towards astonished district attorneys.

On a side note, self-proclaimed star prosecution witness Aaron Brooks attempted to stave off the unruly mob with a chair, but fumbled the object before making a significant difference.

Details at 8:00.

[Edited on 8/4/2005 by LordOfEntropy]

Danno · 04-07-2005, 03:23 PM

2013 TP Headline:

Los Angeles Saints Win Superbowl.

ssmitty · 04-07-2005, 04:34 PM

and, in a related story, a member of b&g who goes by the name of smitty, just made it into the guinness book of world records with the oldest living dog in the world...the dog, know only as \"the dog\" could also predict the outcome of the saint games......however, when asked by a reporter who would win the next saints game, \"the dog\" just took a dump. stay tuned for a tragic story as leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted..........

FireVenturi · 04-07-2005, 11:57 PM

January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'.

[Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

U R da man LK
:yourock:

LordOfEntropy · 04-08-2005, 03:15 AM

leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted..........

Only to be resurrected as the Saints middle linebacker by Saints GM Mickey Loomis. Said coach Jim Haslett, \"well, we thought that nerve pinch thing would help against the play option\".

When reached for comment, Aaron Brooks promptly fumbled the microphone before he could glorify his own status.

Meanwhile, Smitty\'s dog\'s rejected an incentive-laden contract that would\'ve made him the highest paid dog in NFL history. Instead, he took another dump, and wondered why perrennial pro-bowler Fred Smoot wasn\'t drafted all those years ago.

04-07-2005, 11:48 AM	#1
LKelley67 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: baton rouge Posts: 2,540	2013 Times Picayune Headline News HASLETT LEGACY ENDS, BROOKS ENTERS RECORD BOOK January 4, New Orleans- Jim Haslett, the longest tenured coach in New Orleans Saints history was fired today by 83 year old owner Tom Benson. He stated, "We have been very happy with Jim but it has come time for a change. The 6 wins this year is unacceptable." Benson also announced that Assistant Defensive Backs Coach Rick Venturi would take over the Head Coach position for the 2013 season. Haslett who coached over New Orleans only two post season wins in history was philosophical. "It has been a good run. I just wish it could have gone on a little longer. I think we were just getting to a point to really turn the corner", he said. Haslett will be paid the remaining three years of his current contract at nine million dollars per year. Haslett finished with 108-108 lifetime regular season record as the Saints coach. Longtime Saints quarterback Aaron Brooks went into the NFL record book in yesterday's 13-31 defeat by the Carolina Panthers. His two fumbles nudged him past Warren Moon who played for several teams in the 1990's for all time career fumbles. Brooks smiled and laughed for reporters when notified of his record 162 fumbles. "I'm da best that has ever been here, ya'll all know that. I don't see anyone pointing out that outta my 16 fumbles dis year 11 of dem we got back, and I got 8 of dem myself. That's pretty good to me." Though entrenched as the starting QB for many years some observers predict the Saints may draft a quarteback this year to groom as a replacement. QB Eli Hebert, son of former Saint Bobby Hebert, who graduates from Northwestern (La) this year and who is engaged to longtime GM Mickey Loomis' daughter, is thought to be a favorite. Haslett History 2000 10-6 2nd wildcard, 31-28 StL, 16-34 Min 2001 7-9 3rd 2002 9-7 3rd 2003 8-8 2nd 2004 8-8 2nd 2005 9-7 2nd wildcard, 27-24 Sea, 3-28 Phil 2006 7-9 3rd 2007 7-9 3rd 2008 9-7 2nd 2009 7-9 3rd 2010 9-7 2nd wildcard, 14-27 Wash 2011 8-8 2nd 2012 6-10 4th Brooks Fumble Record 2000 4 2001 13 2002 11 2003 14 2004 13 2005 10 2006 15 2007 14 2008 13 2009 12 2010 14 2011 13 2012 16 [Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

04-07-2005, 11:52 AM	#2
ScottyRo 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Williamsburg, VA (ugh, the food here) Posts: 1,704	2013 Times Picayune Headline News 108-108 lifetime regular season record :casstet:

04-07-2005, 12:01 PM	#3
GoldenTomb 500th Post Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 591	2013 Times Picayune Headline News Now THIS is a post that definitely doesn\'t dwell on the past, but looks towards the future. Bravo LKelley!
GoldenTomb 500th Post Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 591

04-07-2005, 01:17 PM	#4
LKelley67 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: baton rouge Posts: 2,540	2013 Times Picayune Headline News January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'. [Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67]

04-07-2005, 02:38 PM	#5
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631	2013 Times Picayune Headline News When reached for comment, BMG\'s attorney, named only as WhoDat, said that this was a textbook case for the insanity defense. A Gallop poll in the New Orleans area confirmed that 97.3% of people surveyed who identified themselves as Saints fans believed that killing Rick Venturi was justified. However, a few select fans mourned the loss of Venturi. A small group was seen wearing bright yellow shirts with the word \"Sunshiner\" scrawled across the front was seen lighting candles and weeping in front of Brooks\' home. One such fan identified only as Billy said, \"It\'s a sad day in Saints history, but we still believe this team can be 13-3, with a top 10 defense. With the best QB in professional football, anything is possible, if onyl those other guys would stop holding him back.\" [Edited on 7/4/2005 by WhoDat]
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631	\"Excuses, excuses, excuses. ThatÃ¢Â€Â™s all anyone ever makes for the New Orleans SaintsÃ¢Â€Â™ organization.\" - Eric Narcisse \"Being a Saints fan is almost like being addicted to crack,\" he said.[i]\"You know you should stop, but you just can\'t.\"

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04-07-2005, 03:03 PM	#6
LordOfEntropy 1000 Posts + Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cary, NC Posts: 1,838	2013 Times Picayune Headline News Developing story... In a surpise turn to the infamous and highly publicized B&G Venturi Lynching trial, assailants FireVenturi and BMG may well be exonerated after the jury panel, comprised entirely of distressed Northwestern, Browns, and & Colts fans, visciously attacked prosecutors during cross examination. Research shows that the victim, Rick Venturi, had previously coached at each of these institutions. Chanting mantras of \"1 and 31 sucks!!!\" and \"we will never forget!!\", they surged en masse towards astonished district attorneys. On a side note, self-proclaimed star prosecution witness Aaron Brooks attempted to stave off the unruly mob with a chair, but fumbled the object before making a significant difference. Details at 8:00. [Edited on 8/4/2005 by LordOfEntropy]
	can anyone help me id this tune? it goes thwap thwap boom tch boom tch boom tch. Qui a laissez sortir les chiens!

04-07-2005, 03:23 PM	#7
Danno Site Donor 2014 Truth Addict Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Spanish Fort, AL (via NO and B/R) Posts: 24,640	2013 Times Picayune Headline News 2013 TP Headline: Los Angeles Saints Win Superbowl.

04-07-2005, 04:34 PM	#8
ssmitty 1000 Posts + Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,879	2013 Times Picayune Headline News and, in a related story, a member of b&g who goes by the name of smitty, just made it into the guinness book of world records with the oldest living dog in the world...the dog, know only as \"the dog\" could also predict the outcome of the saint games......however, when asked by a reporter who would win the next saints game, \"the dog\" just took a dump. stay tuned for a tragic story as leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted..........
ssmitty 1000 Posts + Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,879

04-07-2005, 11:57 PM	#9
FireVenturi Cold as Ice! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Da Big Easy Posts: 2,978	2013 Times Picayune Headline News January 5, New Orleans- Yesterday after appointment as new Saints Head Coach Rick Venturi was assaulted by a rabid Saints fan. Upon entering his home with quarterback Aaron Brooks the assailant attacked him, screaming, and ranting hysterically. The man still not named, was identified as a member of a fanatical fan group called Black and Gold. He wore a black t-shirt with \'Fire Venturi\' in gold inscribed on it. Authorities have submitted him for psychiatric evaluation and are seeking his identity. Also arrested and released without charges was another group member waiting in a car outside. His name was not released but he also wore a black t-shirt with a gold inscription \'Brooks Must Go\'. [Edited on 7/4/2005 by LKelley67] U R da man LK :yourock:

04-08-2005, 03:15 AM	#10
LordOfEntropy 1000 Posts + Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Cary, NC Posts: 1,838	2013 Times Picayune Headline News leonard nimoy back for the 20th star trek movie, \"the return of the vulcan\" got his fake ears caught in a hair dryer and was electrocuted.......... Only to be resurrected as the Saints middle linebacker by Saints GM Mickey Loomis. Said coach Jim Haslett, \"well, we thought that nerve pinch thing would help against the play option\". When reached for comment, Aaron Brooks promptly fumbled the microphone before he could glorify his own status. Meanwhile, Smitty\'s dog\'s rejected an incentive-laden contract that would\'ve made him the highest paid dog in NFL history. Instead, he took another dump, and wondered why perrennial pro-bowler Fred Smoot wasn\'t drafted all those years ago.