The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

The Saddest Super Bowl Ever

Joshua M Brown
January 29th, 2014

This Sunday, Super Bowl XLVIII (48) will be played in an open-air stadium, built atop a New Jersey swamp, in 2 degree weather, while pretending it’s actually taking place in New York.

I don’t know what confederacy of dunces within the NFL thought this was a good idea. It might be the worst idea. It’s shaping up to be the saddest Super Bowl ever.

For starters, it’s certainly going to be the coldest. Weather guys are talking about 2 to 7 degrees. Ticket prices are dropping by thousands of dollars. People are trying to get rid of their seats rather than sit through the pain of a sub-arctic February night outdoors. Not to mention the shlep. If it snows that day, the highways and byways between NY and NJ will become so impassable you’ll need to leave your family permanently and start a new one somewhere around Teaneck Township off of the I-80.

As far as the pre-game festivities, if there were ever a city that couldn’t give a f*** about something the rest of the country is excited about, it’s New York City. Specifically Manhattan. When the Super Bowl hits other cities, like Miami or New Orleans, all the stops are pulled out and the week-long party literally takes over the town. The locals get into the spirit, businesses play it up and people from around the country (along with their tourism dollars) are welcomed warmly.

In contrast, here’s what we did in New York:

1. The two main focal points for the pre-game “party” are located at Times Square and Herald Square. There are two places in Manhattan that no native New Yorker will ever set foot in, for any reason, ever: Times Square and Herald Square. I know people who’ve quit jobs or broken up relationships because their route involved traipsing through either of these places. Times Square is essentially a petting zoo New Yorkers have set up so that they can see real-live Americans up-close in a protected environment and maybe feed them something. Herald Square, the triangle anchored by Macy*s, is what your town’s main strip mall would look like if they were to airlift unnavigable crowds and an aggressive traffic snarl right smack in front of it and slather the pavement in a gauzy layer of perma-grime and chewed gum.

2. Speaking of Macy*s, in a concession to the fact that we’re “hosting the game” this year, someone managed to put a handful of banners up on the street lamps designating the stretch of 34th Street between 7th and Broadway as “Super Bowl Boulevard” – whatever that means. Apart from the dozen or so sorry-looking flags fluttering above, there is no other sign of this supposed “transformation” anywhere.

3. Did I mention that it’s wet, dirty and cold? Like walking through a giant filth-flavored Slurpee puddle? The Chili Peppers at halftime will never have been quite this chilly. Bruno Mars will be frozen into a walking, talking Frappuccino. Here’s a pic I snapped on my way to the office this morning:

http://www.thereformedbroker.com/wp-...rbowl-copy.jpg

Ohmygod it’s like I’ve been magically transported to some sort of Pigskin Paradise! Come on.

4. New York is not really a party town, midtown especially. You can’t eat lunch for less than twelve dollars and dinner in this city is thirty bucks and up. The nightclubs are forbiddingly haughty toward out-of-towners and completely unwelcoming. The bars are fine but totally inauthentic if they’re within the Super Bowl Boulevard vicinity. You can can get drunk at Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Company or whatever, but you’re not exactly getting the flavor of the New York.

5. Did I mention, the game is not even taking place in New York City. Hell, it’s not even taking place in New York State. They’re playing in New Jersey. Which is its own world. Why the staging isn’t taking place there instead of Manhattan I don’t know. Oh yes I do know: No one gets excited to come to a Hoboken or Newark Super Bowl.

6. Lastly, there is next to no affinity for the two competing teams here, neither is located near us geographically and not many of our citizens have been transplanted from the Pacific Northwest or the Colorado Rockies. It’s just not that big of a thing, there’s very little connection. Talk to someone on the streets of Harlem or the West Village or Murray Hill about Seattle, the only association they’ll be able to form will be like “Oh, is that where Starbucks is from?” or “Isn’t that where Frasier Crane killed Kurt Cobain or something?” As far as the Denver Broncos, well, they have the “Awesome Manning” while we simply content ourselves with having the “Pretty Damn Good Manning.” So if anything, there’s more bitterness and envy than there is camaraderie.

The bottom line, I love my city and we’re good at a lot of things – but hosting the Super Bowl in the dead of winter just isn’t one of them. Hopefully this is the last and only attempt the NFL makes at a New York Super Bowl ever again.

Unless we get a dome. The Saddest Super Bowl Ever | The Reformed Broker

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

It's gonna be down right dreadful...... First of all both teams fans will have to fly cross country, the tickets are almost three for one now.... If I wasn't married I would go just to take this off my bucket list..... I heard their not even letting you park in the stadium.... It's gonna be subway, and then over a mile walk to sit in the blistering cold for about 5 or 6 hours.... Then you gotta get out.... It's gonna be like a frozen mouse trap....

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

And no tail-gating!

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

And people complain because it's in New Orleans all the time, I wonder why.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Priceless, Danno. Great find.

Alaska

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

That was great.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Excellent article.
This was priceless:
Times Square is essentially a petting zoo New Yorkers have set up so that they can see real-live Americans up-close in a protected environment and maybe feed them something.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I'm sure Peyton's memories won't be so fond!

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

That was a pretty boring Superbowl. Not even the tons of cognac everyone consumed made it better. The best part of the games was the halftime show. Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers killed it.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

This superbowl had zero to do with having an open air Super Bowl and everything to do with Goodell having one he could drive to and I will bet a years salary the deal was done between Goodell and the Mayor of NYC...

Why else would the game be in NJ but everything else happen in NYC so the lions share of the revenue is steered to NYC in a different state?

Lets have the 2025 Super Bowl in San Francisco, but host all the festivities in Oakland..

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

+1. I thought they both were good. This was the first time I ever saw two big time artist share a stage at a Super Bowl though.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I've seen 3 before. Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson and Janet's Jackson's boob.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Havent seen many 1/2 time shows?

Timberlake and Jackson? Ring a Bell>?

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I thought Mars did a good job also. Very entertaining without lip syncing.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Honestly, I usually check out at halftime and tune back in right before kickoff. Super bowl halftime shows have been way too long in my opinion.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I think 1/2 time could have pulled off a better show without the Peppers.
I was done with the game and I peaked at Bruno.
I am not a fan but I found something I could appreciate.

I liked the glitzy coats and moves. Dancing with a tenor sax and playing at the same time is a skill I can appreciate because it is not easy.

I wish the kid would have pulled out a Motown classic with the moves of the Pipps.

And the moment which ripped me in half was the reading of our most important papers which caused the eyes to flood and cause the levee of tears to break with final shot - remembering Pat Tillman.

Wonder how many understood that shot...or knew exactly what he gave and why he gave...

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I feel ya. Mine are bio-break, sammich, drink. Back to the game.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Halftime performers aren't football. I couldn't care less about some 10 minute pop-band performance.

It distracts from the game. I wish they'd eliminate halftime bands altogether. But I do realize that there's a significant amount of attendees there that don't give a crap about football, so I guess its understandable.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I have decided long ago, never to walk in...

:doh:

no wait...

I have decided long ago to boycott Super Bowl Halftime shows unless/until Van Halen gets the gig, and I want to see Huey Lewis and the News share the stage with them, but that's not a deal breaker.

:airguitar:

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Awesome read. Danno. I heard today that they didnt think it would sell out. Thousands of tickets returned from geografic territories but did sell out eventually.
Thats sad goodell u freakin moron.
Sent from my GT-P1010 using Tapatalk 2

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

You had to love the shot of Goodell sitting in the stands with the "regular people" as if to say "See, having the Super Bowl here wasn't such a bad idea... I'm sitting in the stands too and it's all good!" So freaking phony.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

They were also reporting that it was the most watched program ever.

I honestly dont believe it, after the first few mins when it was apparent that Denver was going to throw the game, it probably pulled in a 3.0 at best since no one outside of Seattle can put up with them, anything more was to see if Denver would beat the crap out of Seattle which probably should of happened.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Hard to believe, half of everyone I talked to lost interest and only watched the second half periodocally after they ran the kickoff back.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I think the numbers are for anyone that tuned in. They don't subtract for people who stopped watching after halftime.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Van Halen!
Why has this not occurred?
Love Huey.

Epic show would be Metallica.
Garth Brooks would make me happy.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

But even then I still cant believe enough people even tuned in to watch it.

Every other fan base hates Seattle, none care much for Denver and all the Manning love, this SB was no where good enough to be the most watched IMO. I still would love to see a break down of ratings though quarter by quarter.

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

I don't know, I enjoyed it :)

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Watch it on PED's?

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Richard Sherman stole all of mine. :P

Re: The Saddest Super Bowl Ever
 

Agreed on Metallica.

But if Garth Brooks were allowed I'd choke on my own vomit. LOL

:puke: