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BEARS: Barely Effective And Really Sad
BENGALS: Bad Effort Never Gets A Leading Score
BILLS: Boy, I love Losing Superbowls
BRONCOS: Babies, Really Only Need to Cry Over Somthing
BUCCANEERS: Basically, Unintersting. Completely Careless Attack Needs Energization for Each Random Series
CARDINALS: Can Arizona Really Depend Indefintely on No Attack and Limited Scoring
CHARGERS: Can't Help A Rundown; Generally, Egotistical and Running Scared
CHIEFS: Can't Help It, Everyones For Shottenheimer
COLTS: Careless/Cruel Owner Leaves Town Swiftly
COWBOYS: Can't Operate With Bad Or Young Stars
DOLPHINS: Drafts Only Lousy Players Having Infinite Needs for Steriods
EAGLES: Each Attack Generates Lame Effort Scoring
FALCONS: For Atlanta, Losing Comes On Natural Selection
FORTY NINERS: Flimsily Organized Run Turns Yardage Needed Into No Effort for Rushing Scheme
49ERS: 49 Eradically Responding Saps
GIANTS: Generally Intercepted And No Touchdowns to Show (for it)
JAGUARS: Just Another Goofed-Up Assinine Run Series
JETS: Jersey's Execrable Team Sucks
LIONS: Losing Instantly On Numismatic Spin
OILERS: Only In Losing, Everything Really Sucks
PACKERS: Pathetic Attack Can Kill Every Real Series
PANTHERS: Poor Attack Negates Tough Hitting but Energetic Run Stopper
PATRIOTS: Punts After Three Runs In Or Three Screens
RAIDERS: Really Are In Distress, Eventually Returning Someday
RAMS: Really Ain't My Speed
RAVENS: Relocation to Alternate Venue Envokes No Sympathy
REDSKINS: Really Egotistical Defense and Selfish Know-it-all's Ignite No Scoring
SAINTS: Sure Are Incredible Notorious Touchdown Scorers
SEAHAWKS: Seattle Equips Another Half-Assed Weathered Klunker Somehow
STEELERS: Simply Trying; Each and Every Limp Effort is Revolting to Steel-city
TITANS: Team In Turmoil And Needs Saving
VIKINGS: Very Inconsistent Klutzes In No Good Suits