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Here is what I came up with

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I should have hired **** Sean Payton!

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I wonder if I can get Nick Saben on the phone tonight!!!

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"Who shat that turd?"

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I actually like the quote on the message myself...

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tick, tick, tick

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"i knew i should have fired that son-af-a-bi_ _ after last years playoff loss" What the hell was was I thinking!?!, I wonder if I can talk Jerry out of Carrot top?

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If you cash another one of my checks I'm going to do bad bad things to you...

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I promised Tony a Super Bowl,
You will pay dearly.

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Now that it doesn't matter you won't go for it on 4th down... I hate you so much.