Monday Morning

WhoDat · 06-28-2004, 08:51 AM

I'm gonna get yelled at by the Mods, but this is funny and nobody reads the off-topic threads.

How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southerners?

Answer. Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

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Democrat Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

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Republican Answer:

BANG!

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Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.... (sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

GumboBC · 06-28-2004, 09:04 AM

LMAO... :P

Repulican:

BANG!! Pulls out criminals wallet and looks at drivers license. Finds out location of immediate family. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. Kills wife, kids, and dog in hopes of eliminating any future crimes. Then tracks down mother, father, and grandparents. No questions asked: BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!!

Tracks down everyone that has any association with man and holds them at secret location and claims they could pose a threat to society and will be given a military tribunal.

WhoDat · 06-28-2004, 09:36 AM

Sunshiner: Sees that the man is athletic and asks the man if he would like to play MLB for the New Orleans Saints. Pays the man millions of dollars, but since the man is a common criminal who has never played football he sucks. Despite touting him as the next All-Pro MLB right after the attack, the Sunshiner releases the attacker after the next season labeling him a \"cancer\" and wondering why he didn\'t put it all together in NO.

LMAO.

GumboBC · 06-28-2004, 09:47 AM

Moonshiner:

Is convinced man has physical ability but is too dumb and doesn\'t pose any serious risk of shooting. Thinks man doesn\'t show enough desire and is not really dedicated enough to really pull the trigger.

Man fires one shot, hits \"moonshiner\" right between the eyes and SMILES.

Moonshiners last words: Yeah, but he can\'t make all the shots. If I would have been running he would have shot me in the knee.... :P

Danno · 06-28-2004, 09:54 AM

Moonshiners:
It wouldn\'t matter what we do. He\'s gonna kill us all anyway. Its hopeless. There\'s been murders for thousands of years now. Its never gonna change. Just kill me first so I don\'t have to watch you shoot my family

I\'m just a realist ma man, put one \'tween my eyes please!

saintz08 · 06-28-2004, 10:05 AM

I\'m gonna get yelled at by the Mods, but this is funny and nobody reads the off-topic threads.

How about the title

Monday Morning durig offseason ......

Kinda has a football touch ...

[Edited on 28/6/2004 by saintz08]

JOESAM2002 · 06-28-2004, 10:46 AM

Now that\'s funny, I don\'t care who you are! Hey, it\'s the offseason. What else are you going to write.

whowatches · 06-28-2004, 01:07 PM

Democrat:

Allows himself and family to be shot so that he can sue the gun manufacturer, the retail outlet that sold the ammunition, the government for not providing stronger gun-control laws, the municipality for not furnishing adequate lighting in poor neighborhoods, the tobacco industry just cause....

and so Michael Moore can write a pseudo-documentary about how the whole thing was W\'s fault.

WhoDat · 06-28-2004, 02:27 PM

LOL - I like the Moonshiners ones! Still chuckling.... this is fun.

Danno · 06-28-2004, 03:01 PM

Falcon Reply:
I wouldn\'t do anything. Mike Vick will flash in and save me. Mike Vick will be a national hero. Even if the culprit gets a shot off Mike Vick will fly in front of the bullet and save me. Just Mike Vick\'s presence will send fear into the culprit. I\'ll then give Mike Vick my wife and kids just for a Mike Vick Jersey. Of course, I\'m not fit to actually shake Mike Vicks hand, so Mike Vick simply glancing my way will be comfort enough to last me the rest of my life.
I love Mike Vick. I wish I we were both gay so we could marry each other. I\'d cherish being Ms Mike Vick. I\'d tatoo a number 7 on my forehead.

06-28-2004, 08:51 AM	#1
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631	Monday Morning I'm gonna get yelled at by the Mods, but this is funny and nobody reads the off-topic threads. How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans, and Southerners? Answer. Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Democrat Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Republican Answer: BANG! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.... (sounds of reloading). BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631

06-28-2004, 09:04 AM	#2
GumboBC Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,616	Monday Morning LMAO... :P Repulican: BANG!! Pulls out criminals wallet and looks at drivers license. Finds out location of immediate family. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG. Kills wife, kids, and dog in hopes of eliminating any future crimes. Then tracks down mother, father, and grandparents. No questions asked: BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!! Tracks down everyone that has any association with man and holds them at secret location and claims they could pose a threat to society and will be given a military tribunal.
GumboBC Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,616

06-28-2004, 09:36 AM	#3
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631	Monday Morning Sunshiner: Sees that the man is athletic and asks the man if he would like to play MLB for the New Orleans Saints. Pays the man millions of dollars, but since the man is a common criminal who has never played football he sucks. Despite touting him as the next All-Pro MLB right after the attack, the Sunshiner releases the attacker after the next season labeling him a \"cancer\" and wondering why he didn\'t put it all together in NO. LMAO.
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631

06-28-2004, 09:47 AM	#4
GumboBC Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,616	Monday Morning Moonshiner: Is convinced man has physical ability but is too dumb and doesn\'t pose any serious risk of shooting. Thinks man doesn\'t show enough desire and is not really dedicated enough to really pull the trigger. Man fires one shot, hits \"moonshiner\" right between the eyes and SMILES. Moonshiners last words: Yeah, but he can\'t make all the shots. If I would have been running he would have shot me in the knee.... :P
GumboBC Banned Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 2,616

06-28-2004, 09:54 AM	#5
Danno Truth Addict Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Spanish Fort, AL (via NO and B/R) Posts: 24,646	Monday Morning Moonshiners: It wouldn\'t matter what we do. He\'s gonna kill us all anyway. Its hopeless. There\'s been murders for thousands of years now. Its never gonna change. Just kill me first so I don\'t have to watch you shoot my family I\'m just a realist ma man, put one \'tween my eyes please!

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06-28-2004, 10:05 AM	#6
saintz08 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 3,020	Monday Morning I\'m gonna get yelled at by the Mods, but this is funny and nobody reads the off-topic threads. How about the title Monday Morning durig offseason ...... Kinda has a football touch ... [Edited on 28/6/2004 by saintz08]
saintz08 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 3,020

06-28-2004, 10:46 AM	#7
JOESAM2002 1000 Posts + Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: CRYSTAL BEACH TEXAS Posts: 4,100	Monday Morning Now that\'s funny, I don\'t care who you are! Hey, it\'s the offseason. What else are you going to write.

06-28-2004, 01:07 PM	#8
whowatches 500th Post Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 575	Monday Morning Democrat: Allows himself and family to be shot so that he can sue the gun manufacturer, the retail outlet that sold the ammunition, the government for not providing stronger gun-control laws, the municipality for not furnishing adequate lighting in poor neighborhoods, the tobacco industry just cause.... and so Michael Moore can write a pseudo-documentary about how the whole thing was W\'s fault.
whowatches 500th Post Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 575

06-28-2004, 02:27 PM	#9
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631	Monday Morning LOL - I like the Moonshiners ones! Still chuckling.... this is fun.
WhoDat 5000 POSTS! + Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 5,631

06-28-2004, 03:01 PM	#10
Danno Truth Addict Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Spanish Fort, AL (via NO and B/R) Posts: 24,646	Monday Morning Falcon Reply: I wouldn\'t do anything. Mike Vick will flash in and save me. Mike Vick will be a national hero. Even if the culprit gets a shot off Mike Vick will fly in front of the bullet and save me. Just Mike Vick\'s presence will send fear into the culprit. I\'ll then give Mike Vick my wife and kids just for a Mike Vick Jersey. Of course, I\'m not fit to actually shake Mike Vicks hand, so Mike Vick simply glancing my way will be comfort enough to last me the rest of my life. I love Mike Vick. I wish I we were both gay so we could marry each other. I\'d cherish being Ms Mike Vick. I\'d tatoo a number 7 on my forehead.