SmashMouth

The rest of college football formally surrendered to the Southeastern Conference Sunday, ending a decades-long war that had become hopelessly one-sided.

The surrender took place just outside Appomattox, Va. SEC officials declined to explain why this site was chosen.

"What began 85 years ago in Pasadena has been finished today," the SEC said in a statement, referring to Alabama's 1926 Rose Bowl victory over Washington, which established Southern schools as a threat. "This is our sport now."

The commissioners of major-college football's other 10 conferences made the decision to capitulate in an emergency conference call Saturday night, following LSU's 47-21 demolition of West Virginia. The rout was the latest in a series of unfortunate encounters between SEC schools and supposedly quality opponents, including LSU-Oregon Sept. 3, Alabama-Michigan State in January and the last five national-title games, only one of which was in doubt at the end.

The terms of the surrender were released by the SEC. They include a number of reforms that seek to restore some dignity to the rest of college football, while giving the SEC its proper due:

The national championship: The Bowl Championship Series title game will continue to be held, but just as a matter of ceremony and to stimulate the economy. The real national-championship game will be designated each year by the SEC. This year it's LSU at Alabama, Nov. 5.

National-championship rematches: The SEC also reserves the right to campaign for an LSU-Alabama rematch in the BCS "title" game if the initial meeting is close and there are no other undefeated major-conference schools at season's end. The rest of college football will not bring up 2006, when SEC partisans pilloried the idea of an Ohio State-Michigan title-game rematch.

The No. 1 ranking: The rest of college football will concede that Oklahoma is not the nation's best team, even though the Sooners were the preseason No. 1, are 3-0 and have won the hardest true road game thus far (at then-No. 5 Florida State). LSU is now No. 1 in the Associated Press rankings, having done even more (beating Oregon in Dallas and West Virginia on the road).

Roster management: SEC programs will conduct seminars on how to use oversigning to build a better roster.

The chant: The SEC will ask its fans to wait until game's end to start chanting "S-E-C!", after the TV cameras have been turned off and the defeated team's fans have filed out of the stadium. This provision was issue No. 1 on the non-Southern schools' agenda. "Our alumni all across the country say the same thing," said an official representing the other major conferences. "Make it stop."

Realignment: West Virginia will remain in the Big East now that it knows what it would be getting into in the SEC. Texas A&M is still welcome to join, and Missouri may be considered as well, although both schools have been reminded that they would be forfeiting the right to ever win another conference championship in football, considering they can't even win an inferior Big 12. (A&M's chances of winning its first Big 12 title since 1998 took a serious hit in the Aggies' 30-29 come-from-ahead loss Saturday to Oklahoma State.)

Revenue sharing: The SEC will seize some TV revenue from the Pac-12, which has somehow wound up getting an average of $250 million annually from ESPN and Fox, while the average annual value of the SEC's deals with ESPN and CBS is about $205 million—even though the SEC has won an unprecedented five straight national titles.

Academics: Supporters of Pac-12, Big Ten and Atlantic Coast Conference schools will stop playing the academics card—that is, that their schools rank higher in research expenditures and reputation than the SEC's do.

Arkansas-Ohio State: Although Ohio State's 2011 Sugar Bowl victory over Arkansas has been vacated because of the Buckeyes' rules violations, and even though Arkansas is no Florida or LSU (i.e., the sort of A-list peer Ohio State should aspire to beat), the SEC will permit Buckeye fans to fondly remember that game. (Although OSU's official bowl record against the SEC remains 0-9.)

The SEC's programs hailed the surrender as a long-overdue acknowledgment of their obvious superiority. The non-Southern teams expressed relief that the nonconference portion of the season is basically over, and that the sides won't meet again for the most part until December and January.

The surrender was quickly ratified by 107 of the 108 non-SEC schools, with Boise State abstaining.

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Choupique

I can't wait to see the Aggies get trounced game after conference game next season.

ULL beat the Aggies once. ROFLMAO!

FireVenturi

SEC champ should get an automatic bid to the BCS game every year...wait a minute, they pretty much do already, lol