Possibly the worse joke ever?
 

This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but every time I fart it sounds like the word 'Honda'."

"That's interesting. Never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.

The guy says, "Sure." He farts and sure enough the doctor hears, "Honda."

After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guy's farts say, "Honda." It is a completely out-of-this-world medical condition.

Finally, as a last resort the doctors think they should send the man to a dentist.

After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opens up the guy's mouth and examines it.

The dentist says "A-ha! I know what the problem is!"

The patient says "What is it? What is it? Please tell me doc."

The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."

The guy says "Yeah. So what has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies, "Abscess makes the fart go 'Honda'."

Yeah, that's bad, but I L'dMAO anyway...

Two elephants are sitting in a bathtub.
One says to the other one, "can you pass me the bar of soap."

The other one replies "What do you think I am, a Radio?"

A baby seal walks into a club...

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says: "What is this...some kind of a joke?"

LMAO

Brett Farve, Terrel Owens and Ricky Williams walk into Sean Payton's office so Payton says:
"What is this...some kind of a joke?"

It is the end of the Saints training camp and Sean Payton has a difficult decision regarding the last roster spot. It comes down to 3 players, 1 from Ole Miss, 1 from Miss. State, and 1 from LSU. He decides that since they are so equal in talent, he will give them a test of endurance.

He takes all 3 of the players out to a farm in the country, and he explains to them that the test is to see who can stay in the pig pen the longest. It is very muddy and sloppy in there, and the stench is almost unbearable.

The Ole Miss player goes in 1st, and after about 30 seconds he comes running out holding his nose and hollering, "Peeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwweeee....that is the worst smell I have ever smelt."

Next the Miss. State player goes in, and he stays in there about a minute, but sure enough, he comes running out holding his nose and hollering, "Wow...that's the worst thing I've ever smelt."

Finally, the LSU player goes into the pig pen. A minute goes by...then 5 minutes...finally the pig comes running out holding his nose...

Now that stinks!

The way I heard it was "A priest, a politician, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar...

the bartender says: 'YOU 4 GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'"

Good one!

I'm sure this joke will be told by me at least a half a dozen times before the day is over.

It is the LSU locker room after Ole Miss has demolished the Tigers 48-0. Les Miles walks into the locker room shaking his head in disgust. He screams, "That is the worst display of football I have ever seen in my life!!"

Jordan Jerfferson, speaking on behalf of the team, sheepishly replies,

"Sorry, coach...but we stayed up all last night studying for that urine test you told us they were giving us today."

Ok, now that is funny.

I have an old one, but I'll get banned for it so I'll pm some of ya'll.

Send me a pm please.

Why couldn't the pony talk? It was a little horse.

Best before date: Rohypnol

Is that kid who sings that FRIDAY song.

Horse walks into a bar.
Barternder says, "Why the long face?"

Is that Song Friday by that girl who can't sing Rebecca Black. They could not be serious about that chick.

Fixed it for you. :p

Possibly The Worst Joke Ever --->PETE!:doh:

Worst possible thing that could POTENTIALLY make you feel like a joke:

What 3 words do you never want to hear while making love?

My wife used 4 words. "Is it in yet?" :rolleyes:

Little willie syndrome strikes again!lmao
:p

Strato, Pete, Smashmouth, LB, B_Dub, Saintfan, Skymike and the rest of the usual crew (too many to list) walk into a bar and the bartender says....

Throw these freaking drunks out of here. :D

Here's to throwing Pete out!:beer:

You couldn't see Strato,Pete,Smashmouth,Lb,B_dub,Saintfan,SkyMike,and the mob of Who-Datson the ground,but we were there armed and dangerous!lol

I called my wife on the phone and I told her "When I get home I want to make love to you badly.

She said, "Well at least you don't over estimate yourself". :doh:

Forever !!!! that wasn't bad at all that was GREAT !!!!

When have you ever know me to post something not worth reading? :doh:

Muhammad the Pakistani came over from Pakistan and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.

He went to a couple of local GPs, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said: 'Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, crap in de bucket, pee on de crap, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

Muhammad took the bucket, went into the other room, crapped in the bucket, peed on the crap, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?'

The doctor said .... 'You were homesick'

Redneck Logic
Two guys who wanted to get a job at a computer company way out west decided they'd better get a college education so they could interact with intelligent people, learn to read books, think, and be contributing citizens of the global village.
They enrolled in the local junior college, and the first guy went in to see his advisor, who said, "Randy, I want you to take history, math, and logic."
"What's logic?" asked Randy.
"Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed-eater?"
"Why, yes, I do," replied Randy.
"OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!"
"Amazing," gushed the young rube.
"And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house."
"I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy.
"And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual."
"Gaaaa-lee!" said Randy.
"That logic is sump'n else!"
He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take.
"I'm gonna take history, math, and logic."
"What's logic?" asks Buck.
"OK," says Randy, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?"
"Uh, no," relies Buck.
Andy pauses a bit and says "You're QUEER, ain'tcha?"

Sam has been in the mental health business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets his groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on the door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Name's Enoch...... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge.....having a party Saturday.....thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving, he stops,

"gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin."

"Not a problem....after 25 years in the mental health business, I can drink with the best of them." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops.

"More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin, too." Damn, Sam thinks....tough crowd.

"Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again, Enoch turns from the door.

"I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember, I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.....by the way, what should I wear to the party?"

Enoch stops at the door again and says, "Whatever you want, it's just gonna be the two of us."

I've met so many people who say the same thing about
New Orleans. Ooooh dat makes me mad! Aint' dey
neva hoid of Sidney Torres?!?!?

Anyway. That is all. :dunce:

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

When you leave school, you should become a bone specialist.
You've certainly got the head for it.

Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 and 10...

Eli Manning = Tom Brady

?

Wha...?

Someone might find this offensive but remember, we joke about the things that scare us...