neugey

I've had the displeasure of going to Olive Garden about 8 times already this year, and 3 times in the last 5 weeks . I, like many other American men, live a doomed existence where any woman that comes into my life is hopelessly addicted to the food doled out by this chain which is seemingly everywhere. I haven't been able to prove it, but I think think they put estrogen or some sort pheromone in the food that keeps bringing women back time and time again. You unattached bachelors don't know how good you have it. I had one business dinner there, but that was when my department was 85% women. I don't think I've EVER in my lifetime seen an all-male table at the Olive Garden, but I've often seen and gone out to other Italian restaurants with an all-guy group fairly often.

Many of the best days of my life have been where my significant other has said "I'm going to Olive Garden with such and such female friends or relatives". It means two more weeks of eating sane food such as BBQ, mexican, BLT's, white rice w/ tobasco ketchup, Lucky Charms, Banquet frozen Chicken Parmesan ... anything is better.

What's wrong with Olive Garden? Any sauce other than their alfredo sauce is bland and unappetizing. Their garlic-butter sauce tears apart my stomach. I've had good spaghetti sauce and bad spaghetti sauce. But their spaghetti sauce doesn't even taste like spaghetti sauce! No wonder my kids don't eat it! Oh, and their children's menu does not have chicken tenders or chicken nuggets, which should be a crime against humanity, at least in the US.

When I look at their menu, I feel like I'm looking for tampons at a hardware store. Nothing in their menu is, or will every be hearty, zesty or bold. Nearly every single entree they offer is a pasta dish. Their dinner menu does not offer any kind of panini, calzone or sandwich, much less a meatball sandwich. No italian sausage and peppers. No steak or steak dinner combos. No real fish choices. And for a chain, Olive Garden also completely lacks a variety of side items that even a Perkins has, like rice, potatoes, mixed vegetables. If you do find an entree on the menu you do like, it is adorned with the sauce and the pasta you don't like, guaranteed. Last night I had to resort to ordering their pizza. It was nothing special - delivery or Digornio's would've been about the same.

And then the service. It is either really good or really bad. Oddly enough, the male waiters seem to be most attentive and generous. Most of the waitresses we've had seem strung out and probably couldn't make it at a Pizza Hut. I think only twice in my lifetime I've actually seen a manager come around to ask how everyone is doing at a Olive Garden.

And when the dinner's over, then the real nightmare begins. Because your fair lady gorged herself on breadsticks and salad, you have 1/2 of her entree, at the very least, sitting in your fridge. This food is inherently bad to reheat, like McDonald's fries, and therefore will rarely get eaten. And in less than 2 days, that same dish will smell like a rotting Italian carcass in your fridge or your indoor garbage can.

I've eaten at many Italian restaurants I've liked and I've also like the Italian entrees at other various restaurants. Calling Olive Garden "Italian" is like calling Ryan Leaf Drew Brees. If I was in a prison and they served only Olive Garden food, I would begin searching for ways to hang myself.

Give me the worst Po'Boy in NOLA over O.G. anyday!!!