A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'

The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost.. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.


The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!'


The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'


The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.

LOGIC 101

An interesting letter in the Australian Shooter Magazine
this week, which I quote:

"If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000
troops in the Iraq Theater of operations during the past 22
months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm
death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington , DC is 80.6 per
100,000 for the same period.

That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot
and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest
gun control laws in the U.S. , than you are in Iraq."

Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington .

I don't get the math here?? 2112/1.6=1320 deaths per 100,000 soldiers.

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: Where the hell are you?

Husband: Darling you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the Diamond Necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be yours one day.
Wife, with a smile blushing: Yes, I remember that my Love.

Husband: Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop.

All men are seduced into believing they're marrying a nymphomaniac.
The problem is, after a few years, the nympho leaves....and the maniac stays.

I love Christmas lights.

They remind me of the people who voted for Obama.

They all hang together; half of them don’t work, and the ones that do, aren’t that bright.

A blonde's radio suddenly stopped working.


She opened the back of the case, found a dead ****roach in it,
and cried out, "Oh my God, the singer is dead!"

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in:

"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

Viqueen Jokes
 

What does a wrecked car and the Minnesota Vikings have in common?
Neither has a title!

Why can’t Minnesota Viking players eat cereal for breakfast?
Whenever they get too close to a “bowl” they choke!

Where do you go in MINNEAPOLIS in case of a tornado?
To the Metrodome - they never get a touchdown there!

What do you call a MINNESOTA VIKING with a SuperBowl ring?
THIEF!