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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; For all you LSU fans! Lee Corso was recently in Starkville for a Mississippi State football game when he noticed a ‘special phone’ near the Bulldogs' bench. He asked Head Coach Joe Moorhead what it was used for and was ...

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Old 09-07-2019, 08:38 AM   #1551
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

For all you LSU fans!

Lee Corso was recently in Starkville for a Mississippi State football game when he noticed a ‘special phone’ near the Bulldogs' bench. He asked Head Coach Joe Moorhead what it was used for and was told it was a ‘Hotline to God’. Lee asked if he could use it, Moorhead replied, “Sure, but it will cost you $200.” Lee scratched his head, but thought, “What the heck, I could use some help picking games.” He pulled out his wallet and paid $200. Lee's picks were spot-on that week.

The following week, Lee was in Tuscaloosa when he noticed the same phone on the Tides’ bench. He asked what the telephone was for and Saban told him, “It's a Hotline to God. If you want to use it, it will cost you $500.” Recalling the previous week, Lee immediately pulled out his wallet and made the call. Again, Lee's picks were perfect.

The next weekend, Lee was in Baton Rouge, when he noticed the same telephone by the Tigers' bench. He asked Coach O, “Is that the Hotline to God?” Coach O replied, “Yes, and if you want to use it, it will cost you 50 cents.” Lee looked incredulously at Coach O and said, "Wait a second, I just paid $200 at Starkville and $500 at Tuscaloosa to use the same phone. Why do the Tigers only charge 50 cents?" Coach O replied, "Because in Baton Rouge, it's a local call...Welcome to God's Country." #GEAUXTIGERS
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Old 09-08-2019, 02:41 PM   #1552
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Re: Joke of the Day

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.

They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch".

The man perks up.

"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit intimidated. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?

"Yes I have", says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision"?

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision"? asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops".
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"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 09-09-2019, 07:49 AM   #1553
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

An American, an Englishman and an Irishman Walk into a Bar..

Barman: What are you guys having?
American: I'll have a Budweiser
Englishman: I'll have a Carling
Irishman: I'll have a water, seeing as none of us are drinking...
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Old 09-10-2019, 05:16 PM   #1554
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Re: Joke of the Day

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church Beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know,he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 09-12-2019, 05:39 PM   #1555
 
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Re: Joke of the Day

The Baton Rouge Zoo lost its gorilla and instead of paying for one they hired a guy in a gorilla costume to act like a gorilla.

When the people came to see him he pounded his chest and moved like a gorilla. Right next him was a lions cage.

While he was running around chanting like a gorilla and swinging on the cage rails, they broke and he fell into the lions cage.

He started screaming and yelling "help me, help me" as the lion got closer.

The Lion ran to him and said "Shut the hell up or you’re gonna get us both fired!"
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Old 09-15-2019, 12:18 PM   #1556
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After my accident, I woke up in the hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
"You may not feel anything from the waist down," she said.
"Fair enough," I replied and felt her breasts.

XLIV CHAMPS
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Old 09-15-2019, 12:21 PM   #1557
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Re: Joke of the Day

--
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Old 09-17-2019, 11:24 PM   #1558
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Re: Joke of the Day

You have to listen to this song and notice how well the bird dances to it.
Oh yea... the lyrics are great!! No doubt you will love it.



Last edited by foreverfan; 09-18-2019 at 12:13 AM..
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:44 AM   #1559
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Re: Joke of the Day

Originally Posted by foreverfan View Post


WTF
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Old 09-18-2019, 08:45 AM   #1560
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Re: Joke of the Day

Originally Posted by foreverfan View Post


Still laughing
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