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WhoDat!656

An old priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.

He motioned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father,” replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest

As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.” Nancy couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Nancy‘s hand in his right hand and Chuck’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face. Finally Nancy spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” The old priest continued... “He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

44Champs

The Dr tells the husband and wife that she is termonally ill and that she will probably pass away that night. It's a very sad moment for both of them.

That evening when they go to bed, the wife says "Honey I want to make love one more time before I die." So they make passionate love for several hours.

About an hour later the wife says "Baby I'm going to miss you so much. Let's make love again before I die." Again they make passionate love until they're both exhausted.

Two hours later the wife wakes her husband and says "I need to make love to you one more time before I pass." The husband says "Damn it! I have to get up in the morning - you don't!"

XLIV CHAMPS

SmashMouth

For all you LSU fans!

Lee Corso was recently in Starkville for a Mississippi State football game when he noticed a ‘special phone’ near the Bulldogs' bench. He asked Head Coach Joe Moorhead what it was used for and was told it was a ‘Hotline to God’. Lee asked if he could use it, Moorhead replied, “Sure, but it will cost you $200.” Lee scratched his head, but thought, “What the heck, I could use some help picking games.” He pulled out his wallet and paid $200. Lee's picks were spot-on that week.

The following week, Lee was in Tuscaloosa when he noticed the same phone on the Tides’ bench. He asked what the telephone was for and Saban told him, “It's a Hotline to God. If you want to use it, it will cost you $500.” Recalling the previous week, Lee immediately pulled out his wallet and made the call. Again, Lee's picks were perfect.

The next weekend, Lee was in Baton Rouge, when he noticed the same telephone by the Tigers' bench. He asked Coach O, “Is that the Hotline to God?” Coach O replied, “Yes, and if you want to use it, it will cost you 50 cents.” Lee looked incredulously at Coach O and said, "Wait a second, I just paid $200 at Starkville and $500 at Tuscaloosa to use the same phone. Why do the Tigers only charge 50 cents?" Coach O replied, "Because in Baton Rouge, it's a local call...Welcome to God's Country." #GEAUXTIGERS

WhoDat!656

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.

They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch".

The man perks up.

"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit intimidated. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?

"Yes I have", says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision"?

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision"? asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops".

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

SmashMouth

An American, an Englishman and an Irishman Walk into a Bar..

Barman: What are you guys having?
American: I'll have a Budweiser
Englishman: I'll have a Carling
Irishman: I'll have a water, seeing as none of us are drinking...