Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can't stand up for themselves...

A blonde buys the new automatic BMW X8 sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all. She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.

She then furiously calls the BMW dealer and they send out a technician to her. The technician asks “Miss, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Full of anger she replies “You foolish, idiot man, how could you ask such a question? I'm not stupid! I use 'D' during the Day and 'N' at Night...”

Spit take!!!

WhoDat... you should lose an award for making me read a few of those jokes. I'm gonna let you slide since you didn't actually "Make Me".

You pays your money and you takes your chances!!

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband asked, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So, the first blonde hands her the compact. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy ... it's W.'

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'


SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....

I noticed two large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?”


One of them chirped: “It’s WALES you friggin’ idiot!”


So, I immediately apologized and said, “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?”


That’s the last thing I remember...

A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a park. Two poor boys walk by. The priest turns to the rabbi and asks "you want to screw em?". The rabbi looks at the boys, sees they have no wealth and replies "screw em out of what?"

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, — “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,—- “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.” Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, —- “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” — replied God, — and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test ‘Balance.’”

“Balance?” — inquired Michael, —- “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example,northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things…”

God continued pointing to different countries. — “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, — “What’s that one?” “That’s Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful swamp, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest,intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, — “But what about balance, God? You said there would be ‘balance.’”

God smiled, — “I will create Washington DC. Wait till you see the idiots I’ll put there.”……………