SmashMouth

While we still were all happily replaying the snowy and zany events of Week 14 in our heads, the 11th commandment was handed down from on high early this week, and at first glance, it sounds just as iron-clad and restrictive as the original 10, and possibly more consequential if violated:

“Thou shalt not tailgate at this year’s Super Bowl in New Jersey—not even a little bit. Thus saith the Super Bowl XLVIII host committee.”


Is this the scene at Super Bowl 48? No, but it might not be far off.


And just to prove they really mean it when they say absolutely no wieners on the grill or space-eating games of cornhole at MetLife Stadium on Feb. 2, here’s the money quote from the committee’s CEO Al Kelly, who apparently issued the following comments with a straight face:

“You will be allowed to have food in your car and have drink in your car. And provided you’re in the boundaries of a single parking space, you’ll be able to eat or drink right next to your car. However, you’re not going to be able take out a lounge chair, you’re not going to be able to take out a grill, and you’re not going to be able to take up more than one parking space. And it’ll all be watched very carefully.”

In other words, a lot more carefully than referee Jeff Triplette watched that replay review of the BenJarvus Green-Ellis touchdown in Cincinnati last week. Consider yourself warned.

Call me crazy, but when you tell football fans that they can tailgate as long as they don’t use a grill or lounge chairs, and agree to keep at least one body part in contact with their car, truck or igloo-on-wheels at all times, you’ve kind of gutted the essence of the whole tailgating experience.

You must stay within the boundaries of a single parking space with your food and drink? For a league that has its hands full just keeping Mike Tomlin off the field during a game, this sounds like someone is biting off more than they can chew. Or police. Will there really be parking-space monitors patrolling the MetLife lots? Lord help us if there are Eagles or Raiders fans on the premises. I know from personal experience you don’t really want to tangle with those people when they get their tailgating groove on. Your car may be the one to suffer.

read more