SmashMouth

Mr.Joey
OK, folks, here's the deal. I'm affected by this. I know our good friend and food columnist Judy Walker has posted the step by step things all you good folks should do... And I like Judy, I think she's great.

Here's Mr. Joey's "Survival Guide":

1) If I wake up and need a shower, Imma gonna take one. I'm old, my skin is like leather anyway... Besides, the soap is "anti-bacterial" right?

2) I can brush my teeth without water. Dry brush, paste, scrub around, then spit. Slosh some Listerine in there. Stings, caused saliva to flow, spit, spit again... Curse a few times. Spit again. Wipe mouth with towel. No water needed.

3) My coffee maker boils the water, right? I dunno, and I don't care. I have good coffee and the coffee maker is gonna make coffee. Tastes fine to me. Got a little half/half in the fridge too. That takes care of water needs for breakfast.

4) Drink beer. It has all the stuff a good loaf of bread has, plus, plenty of good water. I usually wait till noon, but heck, we're under a "boil water" rule, so heck, emergency circumstances may call for a 10'oclock nip! Yes, there is some alcohol in beer, but trust me, if you live in NOLA, this will actually help you through the day. No need for bottled water... Ever. It's actually a big rip-off that will one day be exposed.

5) If you are following Mr. Joey's plan, you're probably ready for a nap around 3-4pm. This is also good. It's hot, turn on a fan and have it blow across the bed or couch you slither into. Sleeping is good for the body, and you are not costing anybody anything. Put cartoons on for the kids and tell them to wake you at 5:30 (this works even better if they are not old enough to tell time yet).

6) After nap, you have to work some more. Clean up the house, take care of all laundry, dirty dishes, garbage, whatever mess the kids made while you were napping, empty all the ashtrays and think about dinner. A beer will help you focus.

Personally, at this point, I like to cook. I also make a cocktail for whatever beautiful woman walks through the door after a long day at work.

"Did you hear about the boil water alert, Mr. Joey?"
"Yes, dear, everything here is fine, care for a cocktail and some home cooked chicken and rice?"

All is well, no?

Regards, and God Bless,
Mr. Joey


New Orleans boil-water advisory to continue well into Wednesday | NOLA.com

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Whew... What a scare...