TO UNFOLD: SAINTS TO MOVE TO LA, San Antonio AND BEYOND...

Before the dust has settled after the Saints draft arguably their highest profile player in history, I can’t help but ask myself how long will it take for national journalists like ESPN’s Chris Mortensen to declare “inside sources� (cough..arg…voices in his head) inform him the Saints drafted Reggie Bush in an overall plot to head to their ultimate destination, Los Angeles… OF COURSE!

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The conspiracy/delusion will brew on the premise that the LA market wants to see Bush play once again in the coliseum. According to this rumor from inside sources, Mortensen will proclaim the Saints will move because no one lives in New Orleans, and the “Bush� hype caused a spike in ticket sales that will only last this year. Making it worse, the Saints picked up free agent Drew Breeze from San Diego. Breeze, already endeared in the San Diego market because he was drafted in as an up and coming star, will help to further catapult this “OBVIOUS� pending DOOM based on: Breeze + Blush = Saints in LA by 2008.



ANOTHER RUMOR TO BREW


There will be another rumor to develop folks out of the east coast media, but this time not exactly from the bright Chris Mortensen. It will go like this- within the next few months hurricane season will presumably bring destruction to the New Orleans Saints. There’s a backend plot the Saints have to escape New Orleans if a hurricane nears the Gulf Coast area, this time either to San Antonio, or another destination (maybe L.A. or beyond), and presumably for good! Inside sources now tell me that the renovations to the Dome have made it floatable, and it could sail to the riverfront of San Antonio, or westward bound. Many possibilities here, we could play in a different city every year, think of the possibilities!

I don’t think the national press, in general, respects anything “down south� and especially New Orleans very much. Between you and me, they have no idea what goes on here.

Not being the location for every 3rd movie to release, and with strange things like Mardi “Grass� growing in our bayou’s and marshes, Voodoo the official religion, citizens called “Cajuns� speaking Cajun French our official language, New Orleans is the “Venice� of the United States. Our main form of transportation is a canoe vehicle called a “Pierogi,� obviously named after that extraordinary Eastern European gourmet meat-cabbage roll treat (YUM) due to all the Polish influence around here- place is crawling with them.

I recently read one sportswriter who wrote that things were so bad down here that when he visited the Saints ticket office, they were on the phone making cold calls, and that’s bad… guys the Saints are begging for ticket sales, and it’s over. Obviously, no one is buying tickets and they will never break a sales record because the population is about -2 right now. There’s no one left in the city to go to the games although a majority of Saints fans come in from suburbs and parishes adjacent to the city. So in essence, the Saints can’t fill the Dome because- come-on man, Metairie, Kenner, the Northshore… none of those places count, nor does the Mississippi Gulf Coast etc. None of those places supports New Orleans.

Saints fans remember months ago the media vomited the rumor that no one will sign with the Saints in free-agency because New Orleans in post Katrina... you couldn’t pay anyone to live there. So the Saints weren’t able to sign anyone, and Drew Breeze, give me a break, he wasn’t the highest rated free-agency QB, come-on. His arm is questionable, it is about to fall off his shoulder, and come-on guys, this is New Orleans.

A new ESPN Rumor last week said Reggie Bush will be losing money because no one will sponsor him for contracts and merchandizing because New Orleans can’t support that… no one buys anything in this market. Now that LA has agreed to put up money for improvements to the Coliseum, it’s obviously over with. We’re done Saints fans, the Hollywood set façade and stage antics didn’t fool them and this was all a plot to put Reggie Bush back in the Coliseum by 2008![/b] No one lives here, and scientifically, New Orleans doesn't even exist people.

Chris Mortensen, although you’ve only been slightly off the mark on the Saints moving, especially in 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 (that’s when they made that "temporary deal" with the State that wouldn’t last 2 seasons), 2002. 2003, 2004, and 2005,. I think this year you’re going to be DEAD ON.

So Saints fans I’m outta here. I have to go down and get me a "bag-net" from that Coffee place down in the French Quarter, Café’ Dumaine with my buddy the Zulu King who is a "Mardi Gass" Indian. I bought a new "Pierogi" to paddle down the flooded streets of New Orleans, the Venice of the South, where "Mardi Grass" grows on the bayou’s of the Quarter. Down to Bourbon Street I paddle, the only dry street in town, singing Cajun songs, wearing overalls with my straw hat, and barefoot. Like everyone else "down here" I’m going to go play in the mud on the Mississippi River like Huck-Fin, YA'LL!


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