TallySaint

'Real genius' strategies to avoid
May 31, 2006


It's the end of May, and football season is still far away. That's why we're going to try something different today. Before we get into the serious business of analyzing minicamp news, let's have some fun.

If you haven't heard Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" radio ads by now, you must be going all Henry David Thoreau on us. My personal favorite is "Mr. Over-the-Top Carb Counter" just because of the lines, "Was that artichoke you ate 13.5 carbs or 13.6? Better look it up while you help yourself to another package of bacon."

The ads have been a joy to listen to, so I've written some of my own that apply to fantasy strategies that grate on my nerves, kind of like "Mr. Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy" does.



Today, we salute you Mr. Three Running Back Drafter.
(High-pitched singer): Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter!
(Deep voice): You believe in drafting your third back, before getting your first wide receiver.
(HPS) Gotta be ready for the bye weeks.
(HPS) Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter!
(DV) You make it miserable for the rest of us, because you just keep drafting backs.
(HPS) Gonna use them all as trade bait.
(DV) So here's to you, Mr. Three Running Back Drafter. You'll never get burned by taking Terrell Owens, because you're too busy drafting Tatum Bell.
(Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.)


Today, we salute you Mr. Two Defense Hoarder.
(HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der!
(DV) After all, why waste one pick on a defense, when you can waste two?
(HPS) Don't wanna burn my waiver claim.
(HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der!
(DV) You believe defense wins fantasy championships, even though the Cardinals just returned another one against the 49ers.
(HPS) Could have waited till the last round.
(DV) So here's to you, Mr. Two Defense Hoarder. While the rest of us are still drafting offensive players, you're set up perfectly for when Cleveland scores in Week 8.
(Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.)


Today, we salute you Mr. Uncontrollable Homer.
(HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer!
(DV) Why make draft rankings, when you can just pick players from your favorite team?
(HPS) It worked in '99 with Az Ha-kee-eem.
(HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer!
(DV) When the clock ticks down on your pick, the home team's No. 2 tight end suddenly doesn't look so bad, does he?
(HPS) Must be the team-colored glass-es.
(DV) So here's to you, Mr. Uncontrollable Homer. Let's hope you live in Indianapolis, or your fantasy team is going to really suck.
(Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.)


Today, we salute you Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker.
(HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker!
(DV) What's the quickest way to show you mean business? By yelling out the name of the top rookie in the second round.
(HPS) Love to hear the crowd oooh and ahh-ha.
(HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker!
(DV) Look at me, I'm smarter than you. There's no way that old horse you took is going to keep my young stud down.
(HPS) I've uncovered the next best thi-ing.
(DV) So here's to you, Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker. Your rookie might not make an impact until 2008, but for those 15 seconds in the draft room, you were a star.
(Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.)


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8)

My Guardian Angel wears a hard hat.

pakowitz

LMAO thats great! makes me want to start the fantasy football league today!

saintswhodi

Okay, damn that was funny. Anyone who plays in fantasy leagues knows THOSE guys. lol

Cassady37

So now you've pissed of some poor Texan fan who was going to use his first pick to take the Texans defense based on having Super Mario on his favorite team.

Memnoch_TP

Well, Yahoo! Leagues are open.

maximkat

Ok I admit it, this is so me. I picked three running backs in the first four rounds, but I did go 14-2 that season with a championship win. So don't knock the startegy!

saintswhodi

In a league with a flex position, it's alright to pick three RBs like that if good ones are there. But in traditional leagues, that's preparing foe the bye week a little too early. lol

papz

Nothing is wrong with selecting 3 good backs first... I've done it a couple of times. I prefer going RB, RB, QB... but he a guy is there that I really like at RB, I'd snatch him up. WR's are easily had in the mid rounds... you just got to know what you're doing out there. I've gone as high as the 3rd rounder for defense also.

saintswhodi

Ok, if you play in any money leagues, tell me where to sign up. :P