Saints can solve all problems

QBREES9 · 01-03-2010, 01:52 PM

Saints can solve all problems
By ED CULLEN
Advocate staff writer

Writing this before the next Saints game, I can’t know if the Saints will win and keep New Orleans’ recovery spirits alive or lose and deprive the city of its reason to go on living.

That is the problem with placing the future of your city in the hands of football players who, try as they might, cannot repair levees fast enough.

Even fair-weather Saints fans had begun to believe that the Saints wouldn’t lose another game, become the champions of the National Football League, get us out of the Middle East, balance the budget and reduce unemployment by training job seekers to play on the teams that lose all their games to the Saints.

The day after the Saints won the Super Bowl, global warming, to everyone’s surprise but El Rushbo, would end as hell began to freeze over.

As the years passed and New Orleans’ record ran to 310-2 (they would no longer play the Dallas Cowboys or the Tampa Bay squad for fear of bringing back war and disease), the world would be a pretty neat place.

World Regent Barack Obama would have little more to do than ride through far-flung cities flinging New Orleans Saints caps and jerseys to the throngs. Saints gear would reach the rest of the world via U.S. Air Force bombers converted to flying warehouses filled with black and gold clothing, footballs and beer koozies.

The Only Real and True Leader would be His Quarterbackness Drew Brees, distinguished by his gold cape and black and gold loafers.

Emperor Drew would be a kindly, wise ruler who would always make us mindful that life is lived one day at a time, just as football games are played one game at a time.

He’d be on pretty strong drugs knowing that the Saints could easily drop to 310-3 if they took their next opponent lightly or stopped trying to work out the glitches that allow them to lose to 2-12 teams.

Emperor Drew, thanks to advances in organ, muscle and brain transplantation, could play another 100 years, but to keep the world from ceasing to move forward, the Saints would clone His Drewness.

The Drewoids might work as magazine clothing models until called upon to keep the Saints winning and the world moving forward.

Shouldn’t we pay attention to climate change, a world economy not propped up by Saints athletic gear and education beyond learning to face in the direction of New Orleans to chant “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat talking ’bout beatin’ dem Saints? Who dat?”

Well, we could, ye of little faith, but look at New Orleans and what the Saints have done for the Crescent City.

Remember: Failure to register as replacement players on the losing teams could result in the loss of Saints gear, as well as your free subscription to the NFL Network.

E-mail Ed Cullen at ecullen@theadvocate.com.

01-03-2010, 01:52 PM	#1
QBREES9 Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: New Haven Ct Posts: 23,989	Saints can solve all problems Saints can solve all problems By ED CULLEN Advocate staff writer Writing this before the next Saints game, I can’t know if the Saints will win and keep New Orleans’ recovery spirits alive or lose and deprive the city of its reason to go on living. That is the problem with placing the future of your city in the hands of football players who, try as they might, cannot repair levees fast enough. Even fair-weather Saints fans had begun to believe that the Saints wouldn’t lose another game, become the champions of the National Football League, get us out of the Middle East, balance the budget and reduce unemployment by training job seekers to play on the teams that lose all their games to the Saints. The day after the Saints won the Super Bowl, global warming, to everyone’s surprise but El Rushbo, would end as hell began to freeze over. As the years passed and New Orleans’ record ran to 310-2 (they would no longer play the Dallas Cowboys or the Tampa Bay squad for fear of bringing back war and disease), the world would be a pretty neat place. World Regent Barack Obama would have little more to do than ride through far-flung cities flinging New Orleans Saints caps and jerseys to the throngs. Saints gear would reach the rest of the world via U.S. Air Force bombers converted to flying warehouses filled with black and gold clothing, footballs and beer koozies. The Only Real and True Leader would be His Quarterbackness Drew Brees, distinguished by his gold cape and black and gold loafers. Emperor Drew would be a kindly, wise ruler who would always make us mindful that life is lived one day at a time, just as football games are played one game at a time. He’d be on pretty strong drugs knowing that the Saints could easily drop to 310-3 if they took their next opponent lightly or stopped trying to work out the glitches that allow them to lose to 2-12 teams. Emperor Drew, thanks to advances in organ, muscle and brain transplantation, could play another 100 years, but to keep the world from ceasing to move forward, the Saints would clone His Drewness. The Drewoids might work as magazine clothing models until called upon to keep the Saints winning and the world moving forward. Shouldn’t we pay attention to climate change, a world economy not propped up by Saints athletic gear and education beyond learning to face in the direction of New Orleans to chant “Who dat? Who dat? Who dat talking ’bout beatin’ dem Saints? Who dat?” Well, we could, ye of little faith, but look at New Orleans and what the Saints have done for the Crescent City. Remember: Failure to register as replacement players on the losing teams could result in the loss of Saints gear, as well as your free subscription to the NFL Network. E-mail Ed Cullen at ecullen@theadvocate.com.
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