homerj07

How to Operate With a Blown Mind

Grandmaster Wang,New Orleans Saints
Say, somebody wanna tell me who the **** Drew Brees needs to blow to get that kind of bull**** protection from the ******* officials?
Fair warning: I went all Message Board Guy with it Sunday afternoon. I'm not proud of it, just a statement of fact. And while I'm feeling a bit better today, I'm pretty sure that the urge to kill will be rising as I type out this here post, and by the time I'm done, I'll be blinded by murderous rage. Just be glad that you weren't at my house Sunday, at least here you can shut me up with a mouse click.
Let's start with the obligatory disclaimers. No, there's no vast conspiracy. No, it's not intentional. No, it doesn't just happen to the Saints, it's been happening all over the goddamn league. Yes, in most cases it all evens out in the end. No, this is nothing new. Yes, everybody hates Blame The Refs Guy, and with good reason. Especially after a win. And on and on like that. I get it.
So yeah. **** it, right? Another week, another win, another worthless letter from the league office. "Hey, sorry about boning you repeatedly yet again. We realize that it almost cost you a game, but you've got Drew Brees so quit yer ****in' crying. All's well that ends well, or something. Meantime, tell Franklin that on further review, there wasn't a goddamn thing wrong with that hit on Newton. Oops. But we won't be flagging that next time. No, really. Promise. Cross our hearts."
Hey league office, how about you take your day-late-dollar-short apology letters and shove 'em right up your ass.
It's games like these that keep Blame The Refs Guy from rightfully fading into complete irrelevance. It's this kind of thing that allows BTRG to maintain a tenuous hold on something resembling credibility. Because they didn't "even out in the end." The "make-up call(s)" never came. And they haven't been coming for weeks now.
And the bull**** calls invariably come on 3rd down, extending drives that had been stopped, and it invariably ends in a touchdown for the opponent. You could set your ****ing watch by it at this point.
Hey, I know that NFL officials are humans. But is it too ****in' much to ask for them to be competent humans?
I mean, it would be one thing if Drew was getting those calls too. But at this point, I'm waiting for somebody to pull a steak knife out of his back pocket and stab Drew in the eye with it, and for the league office to send a letter the following Tuesday saying "Yeah, that's not cool. Probably against the rules, but who the hell knows? It's kind of a gray area. Anyway, the officials on the field didn't even see it. We should probably stop hiring heel refs like Nick Patrick, Danny Davis, Teddy Long and Charles 'Little Naitch' Robinson. We'll get right on that." (That was for you, Superdeformed.)
Roman Harper's cheap shot on Steve Smiff was blatant. (Not that it wasn't worth the 15, because Steve Smiff is an *******. High five, Roman!) But I suppose Smiff "deserved" the opportunity to pick Malcolm Jenkins up from flat on his back by the facemask about a half a second later. Because Harper started it, right? Everything after that was fair game, right? I mean, it's not like those kinds of scenes end up with offsetting penalties 99.9999% of the time. Small quibble though, ultimately I'll take that well-earned 15 every time.
The roughing on Shaun Rogers was probably deserved. Probably. Not that whether or not it's deserved is really relevant. Again, it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that Drew gets a goddamn steel chair to the skull on a weekly basis, sans flag. Brass knuckles, loaded boots, flaming barbed-wire wrapped baseball bats.
Anyway, sorry. I know it's douchetastic to ***** about the officials, especially after a division win on the road. Told ya I was in Message Board Guy mode. Sue me, I'm just fed right the **** up with it is all. It's not "evening out in the end" lately, not by a long shot, and that's some serious bull****. And if calling it out makes me come off like a douche, well, I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
I also found myself going all Message Board Guy with it over the second half playcalling Sunday. Fortunately, I've since gone back and re-watched, and I realized what I suspected all along. That was my problem. It wasn't Sean Payton, it was me. Didn't do me much good at the time though.
The problem? Well, for one thing, I already had ****in' steam coming out of my ears in the first place because the ******* officials were doing everything in their power to hand Cam his "coming out party" on a silver ****in' platter. But it didn't help that Sean Payton decided for some reason to pick Sunday to beat his head against a brick wall with the rushing game.
Or so I thought at the time. Fact is, I was mistaken. Which is why it's always a good idea to give it a second look before flying off the handle and acting a fool. Am I right, MBG?
But in the heat of the moment, I was incredibly pissed off at what I perceived to be a mindbogglingly passive/conservative/pussified offensive plan of action as the lead dwindled, and especially after it evaporated completely and the Saints were down 4 in the 4th quarter. On the road. Against Carolina!
Specifically, it was attempting to shove Sproles all up in Brian de la Puente's hole on two consecutive downs (1st & 10 and 2nd & 9) out of a shotgun, down 4 on the road with 12 minutes left in regulation. They ended up punting on that drive, but not because of that. Drew ended up completing a pass on 3rd & 6 to Colston for 15. Then he threw two incompletions and a 5-yarder to Sproles on 3rd & 10 to stall the drive. But that didn't stop me from ranting and raving about how Sean Payton had clearly left his balls back in Jacksonville.
****, why am I confessing all this?
Because I'm a Saints fan, I guess. You know how it is. In my defense, for the fourth consecutive week, at no point was I ever anything but #wegotthis. No, really. It's true. At this point, it's second nature. It's pretty much become the default emotional state in just about any game situation.
But it was difficult to explain to my regular gameday guests that #iamnotworried, I was just incredibly pissed off. At the world. I tried to explain "It's kinda like @skooks during the Houston game!" but they had no idea what the hell I was talking about. And I'm all "Really? That's a perfectly cromulent comparison." They didn't know what that was supposed to mean either.
Anyway, I never thought I'd ever have to utter these words, but I'll be damned if I didn't utter them Sunday, if for no other reason than that I knew somewhere, Message Board Guy's head was exploding for no apparent reason: "Hey Sean Payton! Yeah, you, *******! PASS THE ****ING BALL MORE OFTEN!!!"
But hey, all's well that ends well. Say, remember back when we used to ***** and moan about "How in the **** are the Saints supposed to be able to beat the opponent AND the officials?" after yet another loss on some bull****? Yeah, so you know, there's that. Not nearly as hopeless a situation as it used to be, eh?
JED COLLINS, *******!
Hard analysis, the kind you've come to expect from moosedenied, forthcoming. Hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on how many more showers it takes to wash the rest of this MBG stink off of me.
Meantime, eat a dick, Cam. You too, Falcons and Bucs.
And, officials? Anytime you wanna go ahead and get your heads out of your asses, that'd be great. I'm gonna go ahead and start holding my breath right… NOW.
Please feel free to pimp us on your favorite social media service:

I'll see you in Hell Candy Boys!!!

saintsfan1976

Quickly becoming one of my favorite "writers"

ScottK

I agree. Gonna make sure all those fools that told me to "Quit your b!tchn, you won" last week, read this.

spkb25

Blatantly disgusting last week in Carolina. I try not to ***** about the reffing, cause usually it all evens out, but he's right- the game against the Bears and Pants- it could have ended up changing the outcome. Week late sorry for ****ing up amounts to nothing, if we had loss.

jnormand

Where's this guy from? Who does he write for and what website? Hes funny as hell.

Beastmode

I agree, there is a level of scrutiny hitting the QB with no consistency. Sometimes a QB takes a blatant illegal hit with no call. Other times he's hit within the guidlines or barely grazed and flags go up. At full speed it's difficult to tell from one angle. These are often critical 3rd and longs that are determined by one ref's view. If you are going to give a team 15 yds you better get it right just like a fumble or questionable catch.

Rugby Saint II

Mobile QB's should realize that the refs are going to give them more leeway to make a play.......but why do pocket passers like Drew not even get a call on obviously flagrant penalties????WTF?
Yes, I do believe it is a league wide plan by the NFL to do what they can to even up the games for the crappy teams.