Muhammad the Pakistani came over from Pakistan and he was only here a few months when he became very ill.

He went to a couple of local GPs, but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said: 'Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, crap in de bucket, pee on de crap, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.'

Muhammad took the bucket, went into the other room, crapped in the bucket, peed on the crap, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, 'It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?'

The doctor said .... 'You were homesick'

Redneck Logic
Two guys who wanted to get a job at a computer company way out west decided they'd better get a college education so they could interact with intelligent people, learn to read books, think, and be contributing citizens of the global village.
They enrolled in the local junior college, and the first guy went in to see his advisor, who said, "Randy, I want you to take history, math, and logic."
"What's logic?" asked Randy.
"Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed-eater?"
"Why, yes, I do," replied Randy.
"OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!"
"Amazing," gushed the young rube.
"And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house."
"I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy.
"And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual."
"Gaaaa-lee!" said Randy.
"That logic is sump'n else!"
He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take.
"I'm gonna take history, math, and logic."
"What's logic?" asks Buck.
"OK," says Randy, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?"
"Uh, no," relies Buck.
Andy pauses a bit and says "You're QUEER, ain'tcha?"

Sam has been in the mental health business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
Sam sees the postman once a week and gets his groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on the door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Name's Enoch...... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge.....having a party Saturday.....thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As Enoch is leaving, he stops,

"gotta warn you, there's gonna be some drinkin."

"Not a problem....after 25 years in the mental health business, I can drink with the best of them." Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops.

"More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin, too." Damn, Sam thinks....tough crowd.

"Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again, Enoch turns from the door.

"I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember, I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.....by the way, what should I wear to the party?"

Enoch stops at the door again and says, "Whatever you want, it's just gonna be the two of us."

I've met so many people who say the same thing about
New Orleans. Ooooh dat makes me mad! Aint' dey
neva hoid of Sidney Torres?!?!?

Anyway. That is all. :dunce:

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

When you leave school, you should become a bone specialist.
You've certainly got the head for it.

Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 ate 9 and 10...

Eli Manning = Tom Brady

?

Wha...?

Someone might find this offensive but remember, we joke about the things that scare us...