foreverfan

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam.............................. We're stoning her in the morning!


The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.


Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo, child molester
and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.


My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."


Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, the lot.."


Question - Are there too many immigrants in Texas? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said ................ "Nocomprende."


On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?" Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non English-speaking people" isn't the right answer. They've sent my form back!


The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

2019 Death of a Parrot.