Everyone: I'm straight. I wanted to set the record straight, that I'm straight.
My sexual preference is to have intercourse with women.

I know straight people have been persecuted, stereotyped and put down through recent history, and at one time the practice was dominant throughout the world (which led to capitalism, football, NFL, hamburgers, the Space Shuttle and too many other atrocities that I cannot name.)

That's precisely why I'm coming out as strait. My partner and I (we straits call them girlfriends and wives if we marry) felt it necessary to backup what our fearless leader * - the head of the USSA socialist party - * has declared: that straight is great!

We want everyone to know that it's ok to be straight. We wish everyone warm feelings and hope each of you enjoys your government approved MRI meal this evening ~ ALL GLORY TO OUR FEARLESS LEADER - and thank you for allowing this freedom.