Audiotom

Matt Ryan was apprehended today at 10:15 a.m. shortly after the Academy Sports store in Charlotte opened. An eye witness from the store said that the quarterback was trying on Carolina Panthers t-shirts and placing ones designation NFCS Champions in his satchel. A store attendant said "I recognized him from his razor commercials, he looked a little nervous going into the dressing room". Mr Ryan was let go without incident

UK_WhoDat

Although Matthew Thomas Ryan, not to be confused with the older Matthew Darren Evans who is a Welsh actor and of considerably more talent, was let go without incident, the QB Matt Ryan had to face the wrath of Roger Stokoe Goodell. Roger Goodell (and his supporters) considers himself to be the the Commissioner of the National Football League (NFL).

In a statement today Roger Goodell said that he had to act quickly in this incident because it was a clear violation of the Personal Conduct Policy.

Matt Ryan, the QB, cited extenuating circumstances that included a statement from his agent saying that "my Matt was only complying with with an instruction I sent him from my cell phone as text".

Goodell responded conclusively stating "At times, despite the NFL's efforts, both players and other NFL personnel fall short of our goals. As a result we decide to by-pass the possible sanction of a fine of $250,000 and subject his agent to a suspension without pay. Instead we penalised Matt Ryan as if it was a second offense and I can assure you Matt Ryan did not enjoy our louder shouting and the tickling of his feet. To conclude, Matt Ryan said he was very sorry and that later tonight he will write "I will not do that again" 100 times in his best handwriting."

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