pakowitz

| From Jim Caple

Joe Horn whips up something a little special for Monday Night Football . . .

AL MICHAELS: Brooks throws deep into the end zone, and Horn goes up for it against two defenders ... and Horn comes down with it! Touchdown, New Orleans! What a magnificent catch for Joe Horn.

JOHN MADDEN: Horn has been exploiting the Giants secondary all night, Al. See how he timed his leap perfectly there?

MICHAELS: Wait a minute, it appears that Horn has pulled a cell phone from behind the goal post and is placing a call ...

MADDEN: Well, we've seen that before from Joe Horn, Al. I'm surprised the Giants didn't see it in the game film and draw up a strategy against it.

MICHAELS: Hold on, John. Now riding into the end zone with the Budweiser Clydesdales, the Abercrombie and Fitch Christmas catalogue models and the Five Queer Eye Guys is Ruben Studdard from "American Idol." He's talking into a cell phone, too, and gesturing to Horn. Do you suppose Horn called him in with his cell? I think he did.

MADDEN: Well, now THAT is original. No way the Giants could have seen this coming.

MICHAELS: I can't quite make out what Ruben is singing. It sounds like "Lose Yourself" with sampling from "God Bless America," but I can't be sure due to the noise of the fireworks . . .

MADDEN: They are impressive fireworks, though, Al. Notice the way they spell out "Hi, Mom -- Love Joe" above the 50-yard-line?

MICHAELS: Sorry, John, what was that? I was distracted by the Rockettes kicking along the sideline.

MADDEN: Most players would have been content to just stick with the standard Rockette costumes, but Joe took it to another level by dressing them all as Paul Taglibue. I must say, this is one of the better touchdown celebrations we've seen this year.

MICHAELS: Wow! Was that Billy "White Shoes" Johnson the Circe Du Soleil clowns just shot out of a cannon?

MADDEN: No, I think it was Ickey Woods.

MICHAELS: Whoever, it was spectacular the way the fans in the end-zone seats caught him and passed him through the stadium.

MADDEN: The crossover marketing deal to promote tomorrow's release of "The Cat in the Hat" DVD is another nice touch.

MICHAELS: The fans are going crazy here at the Meadowlands. I can't see clearly through the Macy's Day Parade balloons -- where did he keep those in the first half? -- but Horn now appears to be bringing in some very heavy machinery ...

MADDEN: Is it an airplane, Al? Remember how Randy Moss brought in Air Force One and had Bush sign another tax break for multi-millionaires on the 50-yard-line last month?

MICHAELS: No, I think it's a steam shovel, but I can't tell for sure as long as Aerosmith and U2 are performing but ... yes, it's a steam shovel! He has brought in a steam shovel, and he's using it to dig into the end zone ...

MADDEN: You don't think ...

MICHAELS: Can't be, could it?

MADDEN: And yet ...

MICHAELS: Yes! He's dug up Jimmy Hoffa's body! And he's autographing a football for the former Teamsters boss with his Sharpie!

MADDEN: Al, Joe Horn has been working on this for a long time. ...