tiggerpolice

Fans are 'Rush’ing to the exits

Oh, when the Saints go marching in … Oh, when the Saints go marching in … Lord how I want to be in that number … When the Saints go marching in

How long oh Lord? How long until the New Orleans Saints go marching in?

Two things are guaranteed this fall: astronomical gas prices and more ineptitude by the Saints.

We are marching towards $3 a gallon gas prices, which is something to sing spiritually about. And if you don’t find that cause for shouting hallejuah from the aisles then don’t fret.

The ëAints are destined to get served another scrumptious plate of black and gold humiliation this season.

A scrumptious, artery clogging plate of black and gold humiliation: Now that is something you can’t get at your friendly, neighborhood fast food chain.

Oh happy day when Jesus washed my sins away and the Saints moved to L.A.

Put on your Sunday best and sing it with me now. Pour your heart and soul into it.

Whoa, this column has already taken a dreadful turn for the worst. Rambling like this on a Tuesday afternoon is criminal in most of the lower 48.

But fear not, I’m going to try and stay on the right side of the law.

I admit it’s a bit early to write off the Saints after one atrocious preseason game. But the team’s main trifecta (Haslett, Venturi and Brooks) is still the same, therefore the ending will be the same.

But hope springs eternal, eh? So if you must jump on the magic carpet, go ahead.

It’s time to play a game I just made up, entitled “Guess Who Said This?�

“This rift cannot be allowed to continue, ladies and gentlemen. It just can’t, and I would like to offer this program as a means of getting these two Americans and star players back together.�

Need a hint? OK, the man who made the comment hosts a right wing radio show and claims to be “on loan from God.�

Give up? It’s noted oxycontin addict Rush Limbaugh offering to help Philadelphia Eagles stars Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens repair their fractured relationship on his show.

Let’s examine Mr. Limbaugh’s “generous� offer real quick. First off, why does he even care whether a pair of football players feud?

His show is dedicated to politics, not trivial things like sports. Actually, I take that back. Politics are pretty trivial, too.

“I’ll show you politics right here,� the late, great comedian Bill Hicks told audiences as he mimed like a puppet master. “ëI believe the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.’ ëI believe the puppet on the left is more to my liking.’ ëHey wait a minute. There’s one guy holding both puppets.’ �

I couldn’t help but share that bit of wisdom. Back to Rush, he doesn’t care whether the players feud and neither do I.

He is a shill; a mouthpiece hack who shamelessly and hypocritically spouts off about the so-called injustices of the day for a king’s ransom. The Eagles’ debacle isn’t an injustice. Poverty is an injustice, the sorry state of our country’s public schools are an in-

justice, the pathetic condition of our environment is an injustice. Talk about those injustices, Rush.

Like I said, the Eagles’ feud is hardly an injustice when compared to other things. But if the players appear on his show, Limbaugh stands to gain scores of new listeners and, in effect, be able to charge more money for ads.

The other explanation for Limbaugh’s statement is that he is trying to make amends for insulting Donovan McNabb on ESPN in September 2003. On the surface that is admirable, but when viewed in the context that Limbaugh stands to profit from it immensely, it is not quite so chivalrous.

And on that note, chivalry is dead. Long live chivalry.


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WhoDat

Was that seriously printed? What a mindless rant. What exactly was the point?