SmashMouth

Football is the biggest sport in the country, by far. But there are worries the party is beginning to wind down.



Congratulations. I’ve just given you an NFL franchise.

Now I want to know: Would you sell it? As in, unload it right now? Or would you hang on?

First, let’s assess the upsides. You own an NFL team! I suspect it’s your most high-profile holding. Maybe you bought it decades ago, and have watched it multiply in value, to the point you can’t believe how much Forbes says it’s worth. Maybe it’s a family team, founded by your grandpa, passed down through the generations.

Maybe you’re the dingbat heir who everyone says screwed it up.

No matter what, it’s mostly fun. You’re a big shot in town. People want to take selfies with you wherever you go, even if they ridicule you behind your back. You have the best skybox, the No. 1 parking spot, and before the game, you triumphantly strut the field, a monarch in Ray-Bans, and maybe one or two Super Bowl rings.

Your NFL team is your identity. No one cares what you did before—football is what you’re known for. Maybe you’re self made—you started a whoopee cushion business in your garage, expanded it nationally, eventually taking it public—but does anyone want to talk whoopee cushions with you?

No! They want to talk about the team. You are your NFL team. Your NFL team is you.

Here’s the weirdest part. Everybody calls you “Mr.” or “Ms.” Even the TV announcers do it, like they work for you—which technically, they kind of do! You haven’t been called by your first name in years.

Of course, there are downsides. When the team loses, the stink finds its way to you. Maybe you hired a bad coach. Or a dim GM. There’s always a player contract situation. Or five. Even if you’ve delegated all the work, you know how it goes. The buck stops at your custom mahogany desk.

The criticism is intense. Newspaper columnists are fools, especially the dope at The Wall Street Journal. Sports radio is worse. Johnny Calling From a Car thinks you’re a moron. A moron? What has Johnny Calling From a Car ever done? Did he start a whoopee cushion empire?


Even worse are those NFL owners meetings. They used to be cool—fly to New York, stay at the St. Regis, get a steak. Now they’re egomaniacal free-for-alls. If people only knew what self-centered babies some of these owners are.

read more on the WSJ

jeanpierre

Football will always be 'Merica, so long as there's still a 'Merica...

Participation trophies at soccer leagues and ignorant, cuckholded kneelers have eroded some of the fan base...

RailBoss

One Freak of inheritance comes to mind........

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vpheughan

I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN AND WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IS............

Beastmode

Love that guy. He's like a modern day looking inbreed heir to a throne that totally screws up the whole kingdom. The old man use to call him an idiot.


This topic is funny because I was thinking about this a while back. Who in their right mind would want to own a NFL today. The heyday will never return. Take the money and run right now.

shawnkytonk

I didn't think there was whining in football. God forbid someone exercise their 1st amendment rights.

ScottF

No owner has their team because it makes money.
Everyone of them has more money than they'll ever need- it's all about prestige

vpheughan

SOLD MINE FOR TWO FIRST ROUND PICKS!!!