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Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

this is a discussion within the Saints Community Forum; Originally Posted by neugey Thanks Bako. You are correct on it being a Parent Plus Loan ... I was oversimplifying in calling it FAFSA. I'm in a weird spot. I don't really feel like watching football. The commercials irritate me ...

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Old 09-14-2024, 07:47 PM   #21
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Originally Posted by neugey View Post
Thanks Bako. You are correct on it being a Parent Plus Loan ... I was oversimplifying in calling it FAFSA.

I'm in a weird spot. I don't really feel like watching football. The commercials irritate me more than usual, just don't have the patience for them. It does feel good to shoot some pool by myself. I just can't break the balls because I'm too out of sorts right now so I just hit around.
https://fanatics.ncw6.net/c/2476851/618766/9663
I might try to contact/call my cousin for support. He's the cousin I feel closest to, but I haven't been in contact with him since he got out of jail last year. So maybe I feel if there's things I can say that could help him as he continues to rebound and maybe that would feel as good as the support he could give me.
I'm not sure that two guys that are down on their luck would have healthy discussions so be careful. We all want you to get over this and be happy again.
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Old 09-15-2024, 11:10 AM   #22
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

I had a great phone conversation and received gracious support from "leilung" last night. Awesome guy. The talk we had is helping me re-situate and possibly try some different approaches to my financial difficulty.
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Old 09-15-2024, 03:59 PM   #23
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Me: I don't know if I want to go on

Kamara: I FRICKING GOT YOU
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Old 09-15-2024, 04:44 PM   #24
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Originally Posted by neugey View Post
Me: I don't know if I want to go on

Kamara: I FRICKING GOT YOU
Honestly wish I could give you a bro-hug!
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Old 09-15-2024, 04:51 PM   #25
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Originally Posted by neugey View Post
I had a great phone conversation and received gracious support from "leilung" last night. Awesome guy. The talk we had is helping me re-situate and possibly try some different approaches to my financial difficulty.
Glad I could help. Great conversation! We have an awesome cummunity. Mind you, we all can be a little bit of an arsehole with our opinions, but there are a bunch of truly good people here who are more than willing to give a brother (sister) support.

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Old 09-15-2024, 04:59 PM   #26
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

This ought to put a smile on your face. Beating the cowgirls always puts a smile on my face. But a beat down at home to blow their winning streak was very inspirational.

Who Dat!

EDIT: This one is for you. Feel better?
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Old 09-15-2024, 05:59 PM   #27
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Oh . I only got to page one.
I opened here thinking….this was about an NFL team with a tough division or a team and division you hate.

WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS.IT IS CALLED LIFE. Some problems are HARDER AND LAST LONGER AND others are just stuff more easily to work out.

All that to say, you are not alone.
1) No to hitting the bottle.
Liquor cannot handle you, but you can handle liquor and you have.
15 years, congratulations.

2) You have to get into therapy. ASAP, now. Right niw if you have not already. It is not always expensive.
While weekly sessions n the work to do, you have to get a job. Not thee job, but a job. Something to do to focus on. Idle mind and time is not good for you. Overnight stock work at Target, custodial building work overnight, Walmart overnight stock….Rouse overnight stock, Home Depot, Lowe’s…..No customers. You won’t see anybody you know. There is no shame in work, but you don’t need to be asked or answer 100 questions , you know, by people you know.

3) You made another right choice in using here as a safe space.
No judges , self- righteous people here.
. Unlike many who are just so overtaken by issues and don’t say it to catch a lifeline, and just do it, the family, friends, even strangers are not able to help , throw out a lifeline out to the person. You are calling for hrlp instead of the alternative.
This is a good thing It means you are asking for someone to listen , to understand, and throw a raft to you.

4) Yes, we have to pray. Daily, often. Just one in his/ her thoughts while walking, working, etc.
Church. Try it. . I am Catholic and go sometimes to a SouthernBaptist church to hear the music of prayer. It moves me.

5) Please keep us updated.
6) Your wife n daughter do need you. Other family, friends, neighbors would miss you and could help them, but time moves on.
With the country today and over these next four years, sorry for bringing up politics, but it is real and affects you n yours too. Your daughter needs you. She NEEDS you. Guidance, protection, family. Comfort zone. A place to belong is with her parents. Home. Safe haven be it the old house or a nice, new apartment. Working to together , you n your wife, for you two, y’all, future and your daughters too.
You were right again , thinking right again in that if this house goes, then a nice apartment or renting a nice house is good.
Y’all can get another house, but not another husband n father. You.

7) Take care.
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Old 09-15-2024, 06:40 PM   #28
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

[quote=leilung;1001199]
@ leilung
Good that you helped. you were a lifeline. Thanks for the update.
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Old 09-23-2024, 08:49 AM   #29
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Update: All the way through to this Friday, I still felt all depressed as all hell. But at least not suicidal.

But something clicked with me on Saturday. Rather than delaying my updates for Sir Football any longer, I decided to go all-in with my improvements to make the website usable on mobile/tablet. I devised a plan to be able to gradually make these updates over the next several weeks and be able to test it all without affecting the way the website is running now.

I'm doing this all in HTML5 and responsive CSS3. Even a non-artsy guy like myself can build some fantastic stuff if you apply some effort. 100% NOT doing a native App for IOS or Android. Apps cost more and take far too long to develop. Just too many pitfalls. It's really hard to build a great app, and it takes a village to pull it off. I spent about 6 weeks last winter doing prototype apps for IOS and Android. Could I build something passable and get it out there? Probably. But how much will it really cost to go live and what kind of scrutiny will the gatekeepers at Apple/Google come up with in order to pass certification? And re-certification every time I need changes?

I have almost no users on Sir Football. By all metrics this project has been a failure so far. Yet, in spite of all this I feel I'm on the right track. The approach, the tech I'm using and the way things are turning out, I do feel very good about it. I went into this project thinking building a brand and a good product was the way. And while those things are still valuable, I learned that what is really key in the fantasy football industry is networking and building relationships. And that takes time. You have to demonstrate that your product is going to be around for the long haul. Not a one-year wonder and then poof it's gone or you make some silly decision that nukes the whole thing.

You guys did a hell of a lot to pick me up when I was down. I really appreciate it. What that showed me is basically this: people are great, companies are crap. Almost every interview processing is a freakshow of one kind or another. The job search process, and the industry itself IS SO dehumanizing. I need a safe haven to help get away from the myriad rejections I've gotten and will probably continue to get. I'd say between you guys, my family, the Saints, my music and my startup I've got a lot of things I can focus on that will empower me instead of tear me down. I'm going to do just that, rather than pour significant mental energy into the job search. If they want to hire me, they'll fricking hire me. If they want to reject me, that's on them because they're company is probably retarded anyway. I'll still apply and do interviews but I'm not going to obsess over it like I was. Doing so fuels my negativity, in ways you cannot believe.

I know we lost yesterday, but dang it that blocked punt felt so good. Literally had me in tears. If you know, you know.
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Old 09-23-2024, 02:05 PM   #30
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Re: Woulda coulda shoulda suicide note

Keep that attitude. Life is better when you make the best of it.
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