Re: Joke of the Day
 

A student asked his teacher to help him put on his boots.

With her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on.

By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.’

She looked, and sure enough, they were.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.

He then announced, ‘These aren’t my boots.’

She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream, ‘Why didn’t you say so?’ like she wanted to.

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when he said, ‘They’re my brother’s boots. But my Mom made me wear ‘em today.’

She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, ‘Now, where are your mittens?’

He said, ‘I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my boots.’

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "You had a good
Idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It
worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And, you told me
adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to
church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n roll gospel
choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you
are open to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good,"said the elderly priest,
"but I ‘m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But Father, ‘ ‘ protested the young priest, ‘confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!'"

‘Yes,’ replied the elderly priest, ‘and I appreciate that”.


“But the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot’n Tell or Go to Hell’ Cannot stay on the church roof!”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Animal activists tend to be more violently opposed to fur than to leather because its generally easier to be picking on old ladies than on biker gangs.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

One morning, 2 little boys decided they were going to start cussing.

At the breakfast table, Mom asks the 1st boy what he wanted to eat.

Little boy says, "Give me some of those $#%@#$!!! Cheerios!"

Mom backhands him out of his chair and sends him to school with no breakfast.

Mom turns to the second boy and asks him what he wants to eat.

The little boy responds, "You can bet your sweet a$$ it won't be any of those $#%^&! Cheerios!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

CIA recently gave the New York Jets a second rounder for Mark Sanchez, because he can overthrow anybody.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

When I was a kid my English teacher told me, "Give me two pronouns!"

I said, "Who? "Me?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Little Johnny lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and Little Johnny hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and Johnnie determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Little Johnny decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, Little Johnny asked why.
The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" Little Johnny answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." His dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”

“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

... “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I don't believe in beating my kids. So I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt and crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
-Adam Sandler

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"