WhoDat!656

Two Mexicans are stuck in the Arizona desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk.”

“Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. “

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree.”

“Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don’t forget.”

“Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree.”

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 meters, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

“Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!”

“Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? “

“Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees a ham bush....”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

“Good man,” the fairy said, “I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children.”

The man told the fairy, “Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.”

The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and — PING!— he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

“What else?” asked the fairy, “Two more to go.”

The refugee claimant now got bolder. “I need a big house with big three-car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country.. I want to bring them all over here” -— and PING— in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway, and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

“One more wish,” said the fairy, waving her wand.

“Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans” -—and -— PING — The man was instantly transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

“What happened to my new teeth?” he wailed. “Where is my new house?”

The fairy said: “Tough shyt, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself.”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

A flea and a crab (lice) were standing on a corner in Times Square in New York when they decided it was time to go off on separate adventures, and reunite in two weeks.

The flea hopped on a dog, went to the dog's home, visited with the owners, ate food, had a good time and then went back to Times Square.

He waited and waited but no crab.

Finally, a month later the crab showed up, beat up, dirty, bruised and exhausted.

"What happened?" said his flea friend.

"Well, I crawled up some women's leg" said the crab, "got into her crotch, but then she took a bath for 20 minutes and I almost drowned!

Then she put on powder and went out to a bar. Stupid bytch spilled a scotch in her lap and I got drunk.

I fell asleep. Woke up the next day on some trucker's mustache in Illinois!".

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."