Quote:
Originally Posted by spkb25
(Post 746156)
You're right, but no where in what you said does explaining them, teaching them mean you should beat your kids. If you can't beat your wife why on earth would you think it okay to beat your small babies?
Guide them, teach them, show them how to handle the adversity. That is the role of a parent.
Kids are resilient and just because they can handle a lot and still turn out okay doesn't mean there is not a better way.
|
I don't beat my child, or anyone else. Why are you stuck on that word? You can talk to kids all you want, but they eventually grow up, and are met with real life. Life isn't gentle, my man. All parents (if they are any good) tell their kids the difference of right and wrong. But people have a natural tendency to start to rebel when they get older and are met with a lot of peer pressure. And if all you do is say "now Suzy, you shouldn't be messing around with that", they'll say "ok", and then do it again because you haven't given them anything to fear. And that creates a sense of invincibility, where they just think they can get away with anything. That can lead to huge problems down the road.
Now that's worst case scenario, but at the very least you can expect that they will not treat people with respect, and that makes them not very likable people.
There are different means of punishment, and that's why I said people are entitled to their own way. But rest assured, talking only goes so far. Talking is where you set the boundaries, and it is not a form of punishment. When those boundaries are broken (and that time always comes eventually, to one degree or another) what do you do? Do you just repeat the same things? Where is the lesson in that? See what I'm getting at?
Now, my parents' way was to spank us, or take a privilege away. That didn't injure me, or hurt my mental psyche. My daughter is a little too young for me to be worried about her doing something truly bad. It's mostly just not responding in a timely manner of fashion when I tell her to do something, at times, or she gets too loud, or sometimes pouts a little bit if I have to say "no" to something. That sort of thing. I don't really have to get on her too much about anything, but those little things add up if not dealt with properly. You might not do things the same way I do, but that doesn't mean your way is right and mine is wrong, or vice versa.
In terms of teaching them how to deal with adversity, that is an entirely different thing. If your kid comes up to you saying they are struggling with something, you don't punish them for that. You help them the best way you can, by giving advice, talking about your own experiences, and just encouraging them. That has nothing to do with discipline. There are a lot of roles in parenthood, man, and it isn't black and white.
