Joke of the Day

Crusader · 11-18-2011, 04:16 AM

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."

Crusader · 11-18-2011, 04:19 AM

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?"

Saint_LB · 11-18-2011, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by Crusader

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?"

If Sarah Jessica Parker married John Elway, would their offspring be a Colt?

saintfan · 11-18-2011, 01:03 PM

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

foreverfan · 11-18-2011, 06:02 PM

Imagine.... Zooey with 4 boobs.... Ahhhhhh....

saintfan · 11-18-2011, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by foreverfan

Imagine.... Zooey with 4 boobs.... Ahhhhhh....

Zooey is perfect. The four-boob theory only applies to other women. And you KNOW THIS...man...

WhoDat!656 · 11-18-2011, 08:31 PM

A guy walks into a bar in Atlanta and orders a mudslide.

The bartender looks at the man and says, “You ain’t from ‘round here are ya?’

“No,” replies the man, “I’m from Massachusetts.”

The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what do ya do in Massachusetts?”

“I’m a taxidermist,” said the man.

The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?”

“The man says, “I mount animals.”

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar...”It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!”

Saint_LB · 11-20-2011, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Saint_LB

If Sarah Jessica Parker married John Elway, would their offspring be a Colt?

...or would it be a Bronco?

foreverfan · 11-20-2011, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by Saint_LB

...or would it be a Bronco?

Artist rendition of their kid...

WhoDat!656 · 11-20-2011, 05:00 PM

A blonde is flying in a two-seat airplane with the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine!

Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father,
Who art in Heaven. . . .."

11-18-2011, 04:19 AM	#82
Crusader Resident Swede Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Märsta, Sweden Posts: 8,025	Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?" foreverfan likes this.

11-18-2011, 07:56 AM	#83
Saint_LB Deuce Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,894	Originally Posted by Crusader Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?" If Sarah Jessica Parker married John Elway, would their offspring be a Colt? saintfan likes this.
Saint_LB Deuce Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,894

11-18-2011, 01:03 PM	#84
saintfan Donated Plasma Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 18,556 Blog Entries: 5	Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.. foreverfan likes this.

11-18-2011, 07:10 PM	#86
saintfan Donated Plasma Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 18,556 Blog Entries: 5	Originally Posted by foreverfan Imagine.... Zooey with 4 boobs.... Ahhhhhh.... Zooey is perfect. The four-boob theory only applies to other women. And you KNOW THIS...man...

11-18-2011, 08:31 PM	#87
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,062	A guy walks into a bar in Atlanta and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, “You ain’t from ‘round here are ya?’ “No,” replies the man, “I’m from Massachusetts.” The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what do ya do in Massachusetts?” “I’m a taxidermist,” said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, “What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?” “The man says, “I mount animals.” The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar...”It’s okay boys, he’s one of us!” saintfan and foreverfan like this.
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

11-18-2011, 04:16 AM	#81
Crusader Resident Swede Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Märsta, Sweden Posts: 8,025	A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie." The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, "How's this?" The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."

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11-18-2011, 06:02 PM	#85
foreverfan 12,000 BS Posts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metairie, LA Posts: 13,457 Blog Entries: 5	Imagine.... Zooey with 4 boobs.... Ahhhhhh....

11-20-2011, 10:46 AM	#88
Saint_LB Deuce Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,894	Originally Posted by Saint_LB If Sarah Jessica Parker married John Elway, would their offspring be a Colt? ...or would it be a Bronco?
Saint_LB Deuce Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 2,894

11-20-2011, 11:03 AM	#89
foreverfan 12,000 BS Posts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metairie, LA Posts: 13,457 Blog Entries: 5	Originally Posted by Saint_LB ...or would it be a Bronco? Artist rendition of their kid... Saint_LB likes this.

11-20-2011, 05:00 PM	#90
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,062	A blonde is flying in a two-seat airplane with the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day: "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat." "O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven. . . .." Saint_LB, Crusader and foreverfan like this.
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

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