Crusader

Not very funny and practically a re-run of the Bush jokes that weren't really funny either.

foreverfan

Dirty Things You Can Only Say on Thanksgiving.

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up!

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
I'm not sure Rick Perry understands Thanksgiving. When they asked him if he was going to deep-fry a turkey, he said, "Well, if he's found guilty."

Late Show With David Letterman
It used to that when you were going to fly someplace you would get dressed up, put on a tie and a jacket and have a couple of martinis. And that was just the pilot.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!
In olden times, Thanksgiving was the one day of year that people in the country overate. Now we do it all 365 days.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
President Obama came home after a nine-day trip to Asia. Well, he got to see some stuff he never sees at home, like jobs.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

Two nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome.
One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."

WhoDat!656

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

when St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.


the couple sat and waited for an answer.... For a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"


Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."


"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"


St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.


"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

foreverfan

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

foreverfan

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

___________________________________________________

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"

2019 Death of a Parrot.

Crusader

Mohammad entered his classroom.
"What is your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," answered the kid.
"Here in France, there is no Mohammad. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois," replied the teacher.
in the evening, Mohammad returned home.
... "How was your day, Mohammad?" asked his mother.
"My name is not Mohammad. I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois."
"Ah, are you ashamed of your name?! Are you trying to disown your parents?! Your heritage?! Shame on you!" And she beat him. Then she called the father and he beat him very hard.
The next day Mohammad returned to school.
When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked:
"What happened my little Jean-Francois?"
"Well Miss, 2 hours after becoming French, I was attacked by two Arabs."

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

WhoDat!656

Prayer for Leroy

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."