foreverfan

I may never read another LB Joke.

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Boudreaux was in New Orleans .

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Boudreaux still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Boudreaux went over to him and said, 'Ain't it 'bout time ya let the Catholics across?'

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Devereaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Devereaux said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

Saint_LB

Keep 'em coming, ff. This is what I hoped for.

Saint_LB

A lady shopping at a mall ran into her long, lost boyfriend who had just been discharged from the US Army. They went to Starbuck's to catch up, and followed that with dinners, movies, etc., until they eventually got married.

It was their honeymoon night, and the lady was very happy with her new husband, but she was concerned since they had not consummated their marriage that night.

2 weeks passed, and still nothing had happened. The lady decided to take matters in her own hands, so when her husband came home from work that night and after dinner as he was in his recliner reading the newspaper, she came into the room dressed in a flimsy nightgown, pranced in front of the man until he put his paper down and looked up at her, and she said, "New York City, 1985."

The man stared at her for a second, and then went back to reading his paper.

The lady went back to her bedroom, and this time returned in a very skimpy, thong bikini. She again pranced in front of the man until he again put his paper down for a second, stared at the girl as she said, "French Riviera, 1995." The man looked for a second and went back to reading his paper.

The lady went back to her bedroom, returned totally nude, pranced in front of the man until he put his paper down and looked at her as she said, "Baker Beach, San Francisco, CA, USA, 2011!"

After staring for a few seconds, the man finally stood up, dropped his trousers, dropped his shorts, only to reveal that he was missing one essential part for love making. He says to the girl, "Afghanistan, 2010!"

Whether you think you can or think you can't...you're right!