Re: Joke of the Day
 

Hamsters make great first pets.
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They live for 5 days and they don't require any food or water.

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Is this subtopic section dead lol

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

What does the word 'gay' mean?

asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Please feel free to contribute.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

People who take care of poultry are literally "chicken tenders"...

Re: Joke of the Day
 

After years of feeling disappointment about her breasts and never getting as many up-votes as her friend Angela on r/GoneWild, Julie decides she needs implants.

So she went to see Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith told her, "I'll do it, but there may be another way with no downtime in recovery! Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A young man who worked at a grocery store had just finished stocking the turkeys in the freezer when a woman approached and asked, “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?”



“No ma’am,” he replied. “These turkeys are dead.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident,

an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

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A neutron walks into a bar.

He orders politely, finishes his beer, and throws $5 on the bar. The bartender pushes it back and says, “For you, no charge”

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FYI... This was Boudreaux / Thibodeaux & Marie on the bayou about 30 years ago.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man is walking in a graveyard

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.

“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man is walking through the desert, desperate for water, when he sees something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurries towards the object, only to find a little old man sitting at a table with a bunch of ties laid out.
The parched wanderer asks, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man at the table, nonchalantly, replies, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your clothes."
The man, annoyed, replies, "I don't need a tie, I need water!"
"Well, don't be mad," says the little old man, "if you go over that hill and walk for about 3 miles, there's a restaurant there. They have all the water you need."
With no other option, the man thanks him and walks over the hill, desperately hoping for water.

Three hours later, the man trudges back to the little old man's place, and he is more desperate than ever:
"Your brother won't let me in without a tie!"

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Two fish were in a tank.

One said to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The USDA just took my uncle's land so it could set up an experimental lettuce farm.

Eminent romaine

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Johnny, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Johnny says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Johnny?" Johnny says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Johnny! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Johnny with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Johnny Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Three pieces of string are walking down the streets of Laredo. It is hot and dry and one of the pieces of string says “I’d like a beer. Let’s go in here.”

They were in front of a local business that was open like things used to be before Covid. They all agreed and walked in. They decided they only needed one beer, so one piece of string goes up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, “Aren’t you a piece of string?” The string says yes and the bartender throws him out. Saying, “I do not serve string in my establishment.”

So the second piece of string says, everyone likes me, I’ll go in and get a beer for us. He walks in and walks up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Aren’t you a piece of string?” and the string answers in the affirmative. The bartender picks up the piece of string and walks him to the door and unceremoniously throws him out into the street.

So now the three pieces of string are convinced the bartender will never serve a beer to any piece of string, so what are they to do. The third piece of string says “I’ve got an idea.” He kind of turns himself into a pretzel. frays one end of himself and walks into the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender can not believe the third piece of string has walked into his bar. He bends down and says, “Aren’t you a piece of string?” The piece of string straightens himself as much as possible and says, “Frayed knot.”