Re: Joke of the Day
 

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.
“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked. “No.” So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.
Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.
“Aw look at you honey. Have you ever been kissed?”
“No.” He says. She leans down and gives him a passionate kiss.
Another few minutes pass and another stunning lady walks past.
“Oh you poor thing...Have you ever been fricked?” “No.” “Well you will be soon, the tides coming in.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The boiled water died...

It shall be mist !

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The angels come to God after he has finished with creation and ask why he has favored the Jews so heavily. “You’ve given them a land of milk and honey, of olives, barley, dates and pomegranates,” they say.”They’re gonna have have Nobel Prize winners, artists and scientists way out of proportion to their numbers. It’s not fair!”

“Oh yeah?” God says. “Wait till you see the neighbors I gave them.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Johnny, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Johnny says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Johnny?" Johnny says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Johnny! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Johnny with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Johnny Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

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Everyone went into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship.

Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines," she said. "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held he breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467,” he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing; "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the Bernie Sanders method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Miami.
They agree to meet every ten years in Pinehurst to play golf and catch up with each other...

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
"Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why Hooters?"
"They have those broads with the big racks, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
"You're on."

At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
"Where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Again? Why?"
"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
"OK."

At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
"Hooters.
"Why?"
"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
"OK."

At age 62 they meet again.
After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
"Good choice"

At age 72 they meet again.
Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
"Hooters."
"Why?"
"Because we've never been there before."




Hooter Babes... You get older while they stay the same age.

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A man was telling his buddy :

"You won't believe what happened last night.

My daughter walked into the living room and said: Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, " - she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend Mohammed. We're going to work together on Elizabeth Warren’s Presidential Campaign."

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Attachment 13382

Attachment 13383

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want.. God is watching the apples

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had it and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...

After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about damn time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."

He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.

She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."

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An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two hitch-hiking college girls. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . I'm telling everybody!'

*************************************************************

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, "almost?"'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him, “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared and I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?”, he asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” he said with a bit of an attitude, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now!”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A Pharmacist walks into the shop & notices a guy leaning against a wall.

The owner asks the clerk: "What's with the guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives".

The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives".

The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can, look at him - he's afraid to cough."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man visits his mother in law, who is in serious condition, at the hospital. When he gets home, his wife nervously asks how her mother is doing.

"Well, apparently she's doing great. Pretty soon she's going to be released from the hospital and will be back to her usual self, and will come to our home to live with us forever."

The wife says " Wow that's amazing! Just yesterday she looked like she was on her deathbed and the doctors said she only had a few days left to live."

The husband replies "Yeah well I'm not sure what happened but today the doctors said we should prepare for the worst."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the
medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked,
“How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’” the medicine man responded,
“but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,
took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join
him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!”

Immediately,he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, asked,
“What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a
preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open
a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic.
Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all
taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Aaagh ! -This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back.
That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to
recover his money.

Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, - that is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back.
That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and come back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak - I can hardly see anything!

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “ Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill).

Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A very ill-tempered woman about to enter her senior years was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.

She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away.

She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.

The lady defiantly replied, Just a stupid can of peaches.

The judge then asked why she had done it.

She replied, I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash or my credit card to the store.

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.

She replied in a nasty tone, Nine! But, at this point in time, what difference does that make?

The judge answered patiently, Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail, one day for each peach.

As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, Yes sir, what do you have to add?

The husband said meekly Your Honor, she also stole four cans of peas.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Tax return submitted by a New Jersey person

The IRS returned a tax return to a man in New Jersey after
he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.

In response to question 23: "Do you have anyone dependent on you?"

The man wrote: "21 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crack-heads,
4.4 million unemployable scroungers, 80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons,
plus 650 idiots in Washington, and the entire group that call themselves politicians".
On the returned form, someone at the IRS had attached a Post-it Note beside the question with an arrow and the words: “Your response to question 23 is unacceptable.”
The man sent it back to the IRS with his response on the bottom of the
Post It Note:

"Who’d I leave out?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A dumb blonde calls her neighbor and says,
Please come over here and help me. I have a really hard jigsaw puzzle,
and I can’t figure out how to get started.

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?"

The dumb blonde replies "According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box,
then turns to her and says, First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not
going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.

Secondly, he said with a deep sigh, let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “‘Think you can keep your head down that long?”

Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually.”

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.

Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch. It’s too much of a distraction.” Caddy: “It’s not a watch it’s a compass.”

Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?” Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.” Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago!”

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old” Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, "I'll bet the antelope gets away."

The wife answered, "If that antelope survives this one, I'll give you sex every day for the rest of your life."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and
valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs
and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3,
Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite
applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall
doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
It is impossible! to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that
you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the
background application Yes Dear to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you
will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2! However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.
I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.
This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage
to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I work with a Korean guy named Kim and we went out for drinks. I asked him if he ever gets tired of westerners saying that all Asians look alike.

He answered, "Kim went to the bathroom. I'm his wife."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender. Since the minimum wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender.

The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini.”
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “168.”
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious. So he goes back into the bar.

The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini.”
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “100.”
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.

The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “Uh, about 50.”
The robot leans in real close and says, “So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?

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Two nuns are sitting at a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn't reach.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Why are educated people so hot?
Answer: They have more degrees.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

She meets St. Peter and is told that he can grant the nun one wish. The woman thinks for a bit and then says, "I'd sure like to read all of the original text of the Bible." St. Peter says "granted". St. Peter stops by after a while and sees the nun sitting there crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?", asks St. Peter. The nun looks up and says, "All these years, they’ve been leaving the R out of “celebrate.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man screamed..

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest

in this crowd to give this man his last rites?"

Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.

"Mr. Policeman," said the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Christian. But for 50 years I'm living behind the Catholic Church on Second Avenue, and every night I'm overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man."

The policeman agreed and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.

The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice:

"B-5 .... I-19 ... N-38 ... G-54 .... O-72." "BINGO"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they would have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a silent debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, “First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine & wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had me beaten and I couldn’t continue.”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered around Rabbi Moishe. “How did you win the debate?” they asked. “I haven’t a clue,” said Moishe. “First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, and I said to him, we’re staying right here.” “And then what?” asked a woman. “Who knows?” said Moishe, “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

One winter morning a husband and wife in Denver were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I have an EpiPen that I wil always cherish. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

NSFW

A salesman rings the doorbell. A 12 yr old boy answers the door holding a cognac and smoking a cigar.

The salesman was a little stunned but went ahead and asked the kid "Are your parents home?"

The kid replied "What the f#$k do you think?"

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Patient: My butt hurts right around the entrance.

Doctor: That's the exit. As long as you call it the entrance, it will continue to hurt.



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Re: Joke of the Day
 

A husband and wife are out playing. They came to one hole which has an old barn along the right side of the fairway. The wife slices her drive directly behind the barn.

Her husband says ‘no problem, hon. I’ll open the barn doors and you can hit right through the barn to the green.’

He does so and waits for her to hit on the far side of the barn. The wife strikes a beautiful shot right through the open barn. Unfortunately it strikes her husband right square in the forehead. He is dead before he even hits the ground.

Years pass, the tragedy fades and she remarries. She still plays golf regularly. Ironically, she is on the same course again with her new husband and they come to that hole again. And again she slices to directly behind the barn.

New hubby says ‘no problem dear. I’ll open the barn doors and you can hit right through it’.

‘I don’t think so’ she replies. ‘The last time I tried that I took a double bogey’.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."