Joke of the Day

foreverfan · 11-11-2013, 01:17 PM

THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS, THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.

Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied.

"Something about a job."

foreverfan · 11-11-2013, 02:06 PM

It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash out to dry and then went into town to pick up her dry cleaning. "Gootness, its hotter den hell today ", she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street.

She passed a tavern and thought to herself, "Vy nodt." She walked in, and quietly took a seat at the end of the bar. The bartender walked up to her and said; "and what would you like to drink today".

"Ya know" Helga said in a timid voice, "I don't usually go into za bars, but today I vill make an exception. It is zo hot, I tink I vill have myself a beer"

The bartender smiled at Helga and asked;" Anheuser Busch?"

Helga blushed and said; "Vell it's fine tanks, und how's yur viener"

dam1953 · 11-11-2013, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by foreverfan

THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS, THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.

Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," the black man replied.

"Something about a job."

Ok. I understand that you just insulted to entire population of Detroit, but for the life of me I can't figure out the other group.

WhoDat!656 · 11-17-2013, 01:22 PM

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that something was wrong with his thing and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed.

"I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up."

dam1953 · 11-18-2013, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by WhoDat!656

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that something was wrong with his thing and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed.

"I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up."

Had a similar experience back "in the day". My mom made the mistake of throwing my school clothes in the dryer with a set of fiberglass curtains. Makes for a real long day.

WhoDat!656 · 11-22-2013, 05:35 PM

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is
unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate
it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it
under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked,
'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

WhoDat!656 · 11-24-2013, 03:17 PM

On a bitterly cold winter’s morning a husband and wife in Fargo, North Dakota were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently”.

So the good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car as instructed.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,
“We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through.”

The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio
announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”
Then the power went off. . . . . . . .!

The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?”

Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to uninformed voters always exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”

WhoDat!656 · 11-28-2013, 06:47 PM

Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school one day.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked.

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”

“Very good, Jenny,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.”

Crusader · 12-04-2013, 02:36 AM

My maid wanted a salary raise.
I asked for 3 reasons on why she deserved a raise.
Maid: I can cook better than you.
Me: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told Me!
Me: Ok, second reason?
Maid: I can iron Better than you.
Me: Who told you that?
Maid: Your husband told me.
Me: Ok, and the third reason?
Maid: I am also Better in bed than you! This time I got very mad & was getting ready to break her head. I asked, Did my husband say that?
Maid: No, your driver told me that I'm better in bed than you are.
Me: Please lower your voice. I will increase your salary....

foreverfan · 12-04-2013, 10:13 PM

11-11-2013, 01:17 PM	#821
foreverfan 12,000 BS Posts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metairie, LA Posts: 13,457 Blog Entries: 5	Re: Joke of the Day THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS, THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?" "I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job." Danno likes this.
	2019 Death of a Parrot.

11-11-2013, 02:06 PM	#822
foreverfan 12,000 BS Posts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metairie, LA Posts: 13,457 Blog Entries: 5	Re: Joke of the Day It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash out to dry and then went into town to pick up her dry cleaning. "Gootness, its hotter den hell today ", she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street. She passed a tavern and thought to herself, "Vy nodt." She walked in, and quietly took a seat at the end of the bar. The bartender walked up to her and said; "and what would you like to drink today". "Ya know" Helga said in a timid voice, "I don't usually go into za bars, but today I vill make an exception. It is zo hot, I tink I vill have myself a beer" The bartender smiled at Helga and asked;" Anheuser Busch?" Helga blushed and said; "Vell it's fine tanks, und how's yur viener"
	2019 Death of a Parrot.

11-11-2013, 02:52 PM	#823
dam1953 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: SW Ohio Posts: 4,645	Re: Joke of the Day Originally Posted by foreverfan THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS, THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?" "I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job." Ok. I understand that you just insulted to entire population of Detroit, but for the life of me I can't figure out the other group. papz, foreverfan and WhoDat!656 like this.

11-17-2013, 01:22 PM	#824
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,046	Re: Joke of the Day A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that something was wrong with his thing and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up."
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

11-18-2013, 02:10 PM	#825
dam1953 1000 Posts + Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: SW Ohio Posts: 4,645	Re: Joke of the Day Originally Posted by WhoDat!656 A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that something was wrong with his thing and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up." Had a similar experience back "in the day". My mom made the mistake of throwing my school clothes in the dryer with a set of fiberglass curtains. Makes for a real long day. foreverfan likes this.

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11-22-2013, 05:35 PM	#826
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,046	Re: Joke of the Day An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

11-24-2013, 03:17 PM	#827
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,046	Re: Joke of the Day On a bitterly cold winter’s morning a husband and wife in Fargo, North Dakota were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently”. So the good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car as instructed. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through.” The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ” Then the power went off. . . . . . . .! The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?” Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to uninformed voters always exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

11-28-2013, 06:47 PM	#828
WhoDat!656 10000 POST CLUB Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 16,046	Re: Joke of the Day Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked. “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!” “Very good, Jenny,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?” “No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.” foreverfan likes this.
	"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

12-04-2013, 02:36 AM	#829
Crusader Resident Swede Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Märsta, Sweden Posts: 8,025	Re: Joke of the Day My maid wanted a salary raise. I asked for 3 reasons on why she deserved a raise. Maid: I can cook better than you. Me: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told Me! Me: Ok, second reason? Maid: I can iron Better than you. Me: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Me: Ok, and the third reason? Maid: I am also Better in bed than you! This time I got very mad & was getting ready to break her head. I asked, Did my husband say that? Maid: No, your driver told me that I'm better in bed than you are. Me: Please lower your voice. I will increase your salary.... papz and dam1953 like this.
	W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

12-04-2013, 10:13 PM	#830
foreverfan 12,000 BS Posts Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Metairie, LA Posts: 13,457 Blog Entries: 5	Re: Joke of the Day Crusader, WhoDat!656 and dam1953 like this.

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