Go Back   New Orleans Saints - blackandgold.com > Main > Everything Else
Shop Horizontal

Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating. It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area. One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman ...

Like Tree1015Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-05-2012, 08:57 AM   #331
Site Donor 2014
Lucky Cat
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Metairie, LA
Posts: 8,425
Blog Entries: 5
The hurricanes that hit the Gulf Coast of our nation were devastating. It did not spare the houses of worship in and around the area.

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans.

The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives?

Without hesitation, the woman replied, "I don't know about all those other people, But we ain't gone to Churches in years. We gits our chicken from Popeye's."
WhoDat!656 likes this.

Saints #1 NFL Pick in 2015 Draft

Visit the Black and Gold Joke Thread
foreverfan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 08:49 AM   #332
Site Donor 2014
Lucky Cat
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Metairie, LA
Posts: 8,425
Blog Entries: 5
A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blond.

The puzzled blond kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blond continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking
deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, she asked . . .

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
sharke likes this.
foreverfan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2012, 01:10 PM   #333
Site Donor 2014
Lucky Cat
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Metairie, LA
Posts: 8,425
Blog Entries: 5
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!"

"Great Nancy , but how?" asked Harry.
"We'll get some cheesy clothes and shoes, like most middle class Americans wear, then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever. Then, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."

So they did, and found just the place they were looking for in Bozeman, Montana. With the dog in tow, they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The bartender took a step back and said, "Hey! Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"

"Yes we are!" said Nancy , "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color."

They ordered a round of bourbon for the whole bar, and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

A few minutes later, a grizzled old rancher came in, walked up to the Labrador , lifted up its tail, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old rancher. He walked up to the dog, lifted up its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen ranchers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left shaking their heads.

Finally, Nancy asked, "Why did all those old ranchers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"

"Lord no," said the bartender. "Someone's out there running around town, claiming there's a Labrador Retriever in here with two A$$HOLES!"
Danno and WhoDat!656 like this.

Saints #1 NFL Pick in 2015 Draft

Visit the Black and Gold Joke Thread
foreverfan is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2012, 03:21 AM   #334
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
Frank and his buddy are playing golf when a funeral procession passes near their green. Frank drops his putter, takes off his cap, and bows his head until the long procession has passed.

Frank's buddy is amazed. "Frank," he says,"I'm really surprised by what you just did. That was very respectful." Frank replies: "Well, it's the least I can do. I was married to her for 40 years."
foreverfan likes this.
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2012, 11:23 PM   #335
SaintsWillWin
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Shreveport,Louisiana
Posts: 9,965
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating." her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"A Daddy Longlegs." her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well," she said, "that may be okay in San Francisco , but we're not having any of that $hit in Louisiana ."
Danno and foreverfan like this.

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
WhoDat!656 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2012, 04:49 AM   #336
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop. As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor's kid - Little Johnny.

The boy was shoving sweet tarts and chocolate bars down his throat as fast as possible, so much that it prompted the man to offer some advice: "You know, Johnny, it's not healthy to eat all that candy."

Little Johnny looks up at him and quickly retorts "You know, my grampa lived to be 96 years old."

"Oh," the man replied, "did he eat lots of candy?"

"Nope," retorted Little Johnny, "he minded his own damn business!"
sharke likes this.

You kids get off my lawn!
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2012, 04:53 AM   #337
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?" Fortunately, I'm only 29 years old. You'll understand when you read the letter.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of **** it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the **** you can get.

Great, as if I didn't get enough **** already....

You kids get off my lawn!
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2012, 04:54 AM   #338
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doc asks her what's wrong, and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.

The wife tells him, "For the past 6 months, every morning I take a cab to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'.

Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it any more."

The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband or what?"

You kids get off my lawn!
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2012, 04:55 AM   #339
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
Little Johnny is walking down the hall when he hears a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his mom what's going on. "Playing cards," she replies. "Who's your partner?" asked little johnny. "Your father!"

Content with his answer, Little Johnny walks further down the hall towards his room when he hears the same noise coming from his sister's room. Again, he knocks on the door and asked his sister what was she doing. "Playing cards." "With who?" he asks. "My boyfriend!" she says.

A short while later, Little Johnny's father is walking down the hall and hears a noise coming from Little Johnny's room. He knocks on the door and asks "What are you doing?" "Playing cards!" replied Johnny. "Who's your partner?" asked his father...

Little Johnny answers promptly, "With a hand like this who needs a partner?"

You kids get off my lawn!
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2012, 04:57 AM   #340
Resident Swede
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Märsta, Sweden
Posts: 5,023
A middle-aged man returns home from a business trip a day early, concerned that his wife may be having an affair. He's riding in a taxi at about 2:00 in the morning back towards his house, when he explains his situation to the taxi driver.

It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
He explains to the cabbie that he suspects his wife is sleeping around on him, and offers the him $50 if he would be a witness to the affair, if he could catch her in bed with him. By the time they reach his house, the cabbie agrees.

They park a few doors down and, quietly, sneak into the front door and up the stairs. Then, with a burst of speed, the husband flicks on the bedroom lights and rips the blanket off the bed - and there his wife lays in bed with another man!

Out of his coat pocket, the visibly distraught husband pulls out a gun and puts it to the naked man's head. Just then, his wife yells "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money!..."

•HE paid for the Mercedes I gave you.
•HE paid for our new cabin in the mountains.
•HE paid for your Atlanta Braves season tickets.
•HE paid for our our lakehouse and boat.
•HE paid for your country club membership, and and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head, unsure of whether to pull the trigger, he looks over at the taxi driver and asks "What should I do?"

The taxi driver replies, "I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold."

You kids get off my lawn!
Crusader is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://blackandgold.com/ee/37280-joke-day.html
Posted By For Type Date Hits
Joke of the Day - Page 9 : Jessica Elway Photos, Wallpapers, Galleries - This thread Refback 03-21-2012 03:53 PM 1


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:14 PM.


Copyright 1997 - 2013 - BlackandGold.com
no new posts