SmashMouth

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________________


Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact
remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.

Love,
Brian

__________________________________________________________


Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
that read:

____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom

foreverfan

That shut.

That has to be an old joke.

SmashMouth

There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde.
They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear."

So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears.

44Champs

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference.

Example

Johnny ate his lunch after school.

Johnny ate his colon after school.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G891A using Tapatalk

foreverfan

I love math questions … this one really works. It will take you only about ten seconds and, amazingly, it will reveal your all-time favorite movie. DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results on the list of movies at the bottom. You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test is:


1. Pick a number from 1-9.
2. Multiply that number by 3.
3. Add 3.
4. Multiply by 3 again.
5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:










Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E T
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Nancy Pelosi & Hillary Clinton Lesbian Movie
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire

Seems some people have sick movie taste here.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

Best Workout Tool Ever!

foreverfan

jeanpierre

Man starts a fight at a bar; police officers arrived on the scene, arrested the instigator, and arraigned the ruffian before a judge.

The judge asked, “Where is your employment, where do you work?”

The ruffian replied, “here and there.”

"Well," the judge asked, “what do you do for a living?”

“This and that,” replied the accused.

"All right then," the judge then ordered, “take him away officers.”

The ruffian protested, “wait, your Honor, when will I get out?”

“Sooner or later,” the judge replied.

SmashMouth

What do you get when you offer a liberal a penny for his thoughts?

Change.

foreverfan

An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up!"

He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again. "Pick me up."

The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a Lilly pad was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."​










WATCH THIS GUY. HE MAY WANT THAT FROG.

2019 Death of a Parrot.