foreverfan

Crusader

What's the difference between sin and shame? It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Crusader

A young woman goes to church and confesses her sins to the priest.

"Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times," she says.

The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."

"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?"

"No," the priest says, "but it'll wipe that smile off your face!"

Crusader

Q: Why do some blondes only think about sex?

A: They're dirty blondes.

Crusader

A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.

"Silver," she said.

"Why not gold?"

"Because I want you to come second for once!"

Crusader

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

WhoDat!656

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota.”

The manager was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to the sales floor to check on how the kid did on his first day. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The manager replies, “Just one?!!? Our employees average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change and soon if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes. The manager felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his manager and says “$101,237.65”.

The manager, astonished, says, “$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then, I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then, I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat. We went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.”

The manager said “A guy came in here to buy fish hooks, and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK!?”

The kid said, “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

A group of golfing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the course, the waitresses were young, good looking, showed lots of cleavage and wore short-shorts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed
where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters
because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was
good value for the money.

Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the
restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters
because they didn't t think the group had ever been there before.

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

foreverfan

WhoDat!656

A guy walked into a bar and saw three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asked, pointing to the raw T-Bones: “What’s that about?”

The bartender replied: “Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. But, if you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?”

The guy replied: “Nah, the steaks are too high.”